I love this too!

I feel it should be on Grey's.........



Wow I'm getting soppy...

Lovin' this....

Aww.....

World AIDS Day

A bit late I'm afraid, but an interesting MSF video.

60% of children infected with HIV die before their second birthday.

Uh-oh

OSCE on monday.

And I have a headache and joint pains.....and flu is going around.....

Uh-oh.

Can't wait for it to be over, so I can relax and enjoy the lead up to Christmas!

Housemate rage.

She burnt my hippo and my cat.

The cute little figurines my Mum got me that were sitting on top of the (unlit) stove in the front room. She lit the stove and was too stupid to take them off. So I come home to this dreadful stink like something burning. And I have to go and take them off the still hot stove. She isn't even using the goddamn thing!!!

I am so mad right now. So mad.

Maybe I should burn something of hers and leave it there, without an apology.


grr.

My dear readers...

If you're still checking this, bless you.

So i've been a very bad blogger and temporarily abandoned things. So much to write about too.

But as usual, I've had a bad day and a bad week, so I thought I'd share my feelings here. I need catharsis.

New year, new subjects, at the moment cardio. One of my favourite subjects. But somehow my uni is managing to destroy it for me.

Part of that is my new PBL group, whom I loathe.

They are soooo fucking retarded!!!!! And so argumentative. And did I mention RETARDED??????

Ugh. So this is the 2nd week in a row that I've been held back after PBL to "get a talking to" from the PBL tutor.

Last week it was cos I was, 'arsey'. So were a lot of others in my group, but I get singled out.

Then; last week came down with horrendous UTI which turned out to be resistant to the first set of antibiotics I was given, which left me writhing and crying in agony on the GP waiting room floor by Thursday. Long story short I missed a lot last week and didn't get my PBL work up. Which was fine by my group. But bitchface tutor has to hold me back again!!!!! And makes me tell him exactly what my medical problem is. Sorry, but isn't that a massive invasion of privacy? And he tells me, I'd better post it or else! Already said I would, I don't intend to skimp. Oh and that, having missed one, I'd better put 110% into everything else from now on. WTF IS HIS PROBLEM???????

Look at my record, I am a model fucking student. 3 bloody distinctions, excellent tutor reports, scholarship, no absences, active in extra-curricular activitie; all that shite.

I don't get what his problem is with me.

Maybe it's cos I'm Irish? I don't fucking know. But I'm well pissed.

This whole course is getting me down. I just want to bury my head under the duvet and never come out.

Here's a song that expresses how I feel.

Ok I can't find it on the web. *sigh*

Thank you for listening..

Kabwe, Zambia

I have arrived.

So happy to be back! The colours and the smells and the people......it's just the same. Feels like I never left, even though it's been 3 years.

Can't wait to see the hospice and the kids!

Will post more another time.

I caved...

I was tempted, so tempted by promises of golden skin and plentiful moisturisation. But what sold me was the "improved fragrance" claim; no biscuit smell!!!!

Yes readers, I bought Johnson's Holiday Skin.



And now I stink. Ugh.


Have to say though, the colour is not bad.


I am just so sick of being pasty white and pink!!!!! And even though I abhor fake tan, I caved.

*sigh*

Have you heard this on the news?

I'll bet you haven't.

D

Stands for distinction at my uni.


I got one.

So in shock.

And so relieved.

Thank you so much to all those who sent good vibes and wishes, means a lot!

Tick tock

4 1/2 hours till results.


Watching the clock.

One more day

Dear lord this week has dragged.

Exam results tomorrow, but not until after 4pm. Could they make it any worse!!!!

Really really worried. Was talking to a friend who just graduated, and he was saying one year he failed by a mark. One mark. How ridiculous is that? Other exams I've done before, they don't let it be that close. And it makes me think about my paper in my head. How many points did I leave out? How many one mark's did I lose? And the pass mark is flexible, so it could be as high as 50%. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Cat is wheezing again. I'm concerned. Wondering if I should try Grandmothers inhaler on her.....

Idiot

So, I'm supposed to be going to Zambia in a months time.

For malaria prophylaxis I'm taking doxycyline. Got my prescription, went to the pharmacy, got the pills.

Get home to Ireland and take them out of my bag. Look at the boxes. Prescription sticker says 16 caps per box. Box says 8 caps.

I only have 1/2 the amount I need. See below very crappy photo of prescription sticker. You can see it says "16 Doxycycline....."


And here, is a pic of the box

Kinda obvious right?

Stupid stupid pharmacist!!!!!! Arrrrrgh. And now I'm stuck, because I'm not in England, and I can't get to the pharmacy to get what I was prescribed for.

Its a teeny tiny pharmacy, they aren't exactly run off their feet, how hard would it have been to check they'd given me the right drug.

Just really really wished I'd checked while I was there. But you don't expect this to happen.

Grrrr.

Nightmares

I keep dreaming that I get my exam results and I've failed. Its horrible.

If I do fail I don't know what I will do. My ticket for Zambia is bought, everything is planned.

I knew when planning this trip that it was a risk I had to take. But its so much more scary now that results are in 4 days.


So I'm home again, and catching up on my sleep. The crap thing is that the weather here is cold and wet, and my uni city is basking in the sun.......

Ugh, another reason I really really need to go to Zambia; I'm going to go insane if I don't get some sun this year.

4 days......count down. Is it ridiculous that I'm actually too scared to read my horoscope in the paper in case it bodes ill?

Send me good vibes please!

Really want to see this

Goodbyes

I hate them. Even when I know they're only for a short while.

It was so sad emptying my room and leaving. A slice of my life is over. I had some good times in my halls. So sad saying goodbye. Even though I know I'm going to see them all in September!

Packing is hell. It's hard to think of something I hate doing more. And unfortunately my bag is full and I haven't finished. Ugh, and then all those rules about handluggage make it really awkward.

I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. (At my house, have left campus, in case you are confused!) Not home yet.

At least I don't have to think about medicine. :)

The End.

I have finished my first year of medical school. It feels like aeons since it all began.

Had last OSCE today, went fine, a few boo boos, but nothing major.

And I've spent the afternoon emptying my room. It's been horrific. My little room that has been my home for the last 9 months looks so naked.

I'm sad. I always hate leaving, even if I've been looking forward to it.

Last heave of stuff tomorrow, and then its aeroplane time on Sat.

Can't believe its all over. Its been generally good.

Bring on second year!

I'm going to the pub.....

So close.....

Last OSCE tomorrow. I can't concentrate on revising, I have had enough!!!!!!

Written papers were a bit crap. Well, the EMQ's (the actual test of our medical knowledge) went fine, and I'm sure I passed, but the ANP (the stupid one with the notes) was a bit awful. Stuff came up we didn't have notes on, and the time pressure was intense. I just finished, but I'm really worried about failing. I just don't feel my answers were good enough. I feel sick when I think about it, I CAN'T fail!!!!!! We get our results on the 27th. One week. The other ridiculous thing my uni does is refuse to post major exam results on our internet accounts. They put them up on a noticeboard in the faculty. How considerate of them! Never mind very few people live locally and everyone will have been kicked out of accommodation by then. Or students like me who live in another country. It's f**king ridiculous.

Feeling twitchy and listening to Bloc Party. Can't settle down to revise patient cases. Ugh.

Just gotta get through today...

Tis the day

Got my exams this afternoon. Is it weird that I'm actually a little excited? Finally, finally we can get it over with! The weeks leading up to this have dragged on and on.

Supposed to be last minute revising, but not taking much in.

Lets hope it goes well!

Oo, and I'm loving 'Flakes' by the mystery jets. Check it out!

The sky is black

It looks a lot like the above, and perfectly reflects my mood.

Written papers the day after tomorrow, and then two more days til final OSCE, and then, finally, finally, I'll be finished!

I've got to the point where I just want it to be over.

I don't know if I've done enough revision, or if I've covered enough of the important topics. So I don't know how confident I should be about this exam. And as I said before, I can't afford to fail.

I wouldn't normally be so worried but the exams are a completely different format to anything I've done before.

The first part is an EMQ (extended-matching questions), which can be very difficult, as its not just a question of selecting the right answer, but the most appropriate answer. And from looking at the mock papers, sometimes its all a bit ambiguous. It wouldn't bother me if it was all medicine, but its the psychosocial crap, and the health economics, and the law that catch me out. I really, really don't give a sh*t about law. Maybe I should, but I don't.

The second part is an ANP, or Advanced Notice Paper, the concept of which seems to me completely ridiculous. We've been given 6 "scenarios" (e.g. Joe Smith is an x who fell and broke his leg. His mum is worried because of blah, and he has now contracted an infection, plus his granny has diabetes blah blah blah), 3 of which will come up in the exam and have questions based on them. But, we are allowed to bring notes into the exam. Sounds great? It's not. a) deciding what topics need to be covered is endless, as the scenarios are super broad. b) compiling the notes is a pain in the ass (already have over 100 pages) c) time is very tight in the exam and its going to be really hard to convert notes into answers d) if something comes up thats not in your notes, you could be in trouble e) this is not a test of our ability of knowledge, but merely a test of our indexing skills. And I think e) is what pisses me off the most. Seriously, WHAT is the point of an exam where you bring notes in?!?!?!?!

And, I've never done one before, so I don't know how it will go.

Other things that piss me off: structure of the NHS - again, I don't care!!!, the doctor-patient relationship (writing essay answers about it that is), the MDT - don't even get me started on the MDT. Do I really need to know how an OT does a home assessment in detail; isn't that the OT's job? Benefits - again, not my job, call up the DWP and ask them!!!! The sick role - sick to death of the biopsyhosocial crap in general. The list is pretty much a summary of everything I'm supposed to know from the first semester. WASTE OF TIME.

Ok, needed to get that out. Apologies for the bitch fest, but seriously, when it comes to exams, this university is f**king insane!!!!!

Just do it!

Can't motivate myself to study. I'm daydreaming about pretty much everything else under the sun except work.

Doesn't help that its 24degrees today and absolutely gorgeous, and I'm a complete sun worshipper.

Want to go outside!!!

Ugh.

The worst part is I really absolutely cannot afford to fail any of these exams. Two reasons; resits are when I'm in Zambia, and I'll lose my scholarship, which I really need.

Ok. Time to focus.

Half way

So the OSCE and my SSS presentation went fine, after all my worrying!

Now comes the worst part.....the written paper.

Too much to learn....too little time.....as usual. And its sunny, so all I'm thinking about is sunbathing!

This day two weeks I'll be home for the summer. Seems surreal to think about.

Right..... breakfast time.

Stress

It's begun


The fear. The terrible terrible fear of exams has set in. The dread. The despair. The feeling of nothing being enough.


I feel like I don't know anything - which is stupid because I know I do. There's plenty I don't know, but I haven't gone through the year without absorbing some stuff.

First OSCE tomorrow. It shouldn't be hard. Only 6 stations. I just keep thinking what if they ask this? or that? or go into detail on x y or z.

Eek.

K, gotta go and get back to it.

Progress...

A friend of mine did his last OSCE of med school today. Now, he will become a junior doctor, and begin his career.



I find it kind of scary. The thought of thatt eventually being me is daunting.

But, at the same time, I wish I was already there, and not about to go into the 2nd year of 5.

And as usual I'm massively behind on revision.

Still writing up my patient cases, and the OSCE is the day after tomorrow. It's not the last exam though!! Plenty more to go...

Ugh, I hate being at this point, where it's all about to begin. I just want to finish and go home!!!

I've been tagged...

For the first time ever...which is kind of nice.....makes me feel special, lol!

Ok, so 7 songs I've been listening to this week.

Well, thanks to Tayaki, my first 3 are going to be My Moon My Man, 1234, and I Feel It All by Feist.
4. Dance With You - Machel Montano
5. Bouger Bouger - Magic System
6. Wearing My Rolex - Wiley
7. Respect Yuh Wife - Ce'Cile.


Definitely a more dancey vibe this week......


Still can't sleep.

have tried melatonin, hops+valerian, warm shower, more bedclothes, less bedclothes, going to bed early, going to bed late, exercising to tire myself out........

Nothing works!!!

Any help at all would be much appreciated.


Oh, and If you're reading, consider yourself tagged!

Grr

I don't appreciate my flatmates who have already finished running around screaming and making noise and playing massively loud music so that my room vibrates.

Not when I still have a month to go.

Argh, shut the fuck up!!!! Stupid fucking creative writing students.........

If I get woken up at 4 am, I won't be a happy bunny. And I'm not nice when I'm woken up. I've been known to get quite irate. Especially when insomnia is making sleep very precious.

Sorry, needed to let that out.

I can't sleep

And its driving me insane.

So tonight, I'm not going to bed until I am near catatonic.

Its times like this I wish I was already qualified and could get some kind helpful colleague to write me a script for something lovely and sleep-inducing......mmmm....drugs....

On other notes, I haven't posted in a while, so apologies, to any of you who may still be reading. No real excuses on my part other than laziness.

Exams are fast approaching and I'm panicking. Feeling absolutely overwhelmed by it all. Projects due, barely started, cases to write up, only one done, weeks and weeks of PBL to revise, anatomy (sweet mary mother of god ANATOMY!!!! my worst enemy!!!!) to attempt to learn, physical exams, consultation skills........ the list seems endless.

Does this perhaps explain why I can't sleep? Perhaps.

On a positive note, I did manage to (somehow, I have no idea how) get a distinction on that abominable essay I had to write over Easter....

Wow, Easter seems a long time ago.

Tayaki has finished, and I think this is the only time I wish I was still in vet school. Also, the thought that this is the best it will be and that summer holidays will be even shorter next year kinda bums me out.

The other good thing that is happening, is that I'm taking 5 other med students out to Zambia this summer. Will write a post about that later...... I may even ask for your money......

So that's my life at the moment. You're probably thinking I would have been better off staying on hiatus......

Tube

Today the surgical society ran an anaesthetics session. We had a lecture on the history of anaesthesia, "an introduction to field anaesthesia in africa", and (the fun part) a practical airway management session.

We got to play with endotracheal tubes, oropharyngeal airways, nasopharyngeal airways, and the fabulous ambu bag. LOVE IT!!!!!









Unfortunately, I only managed to intubate the stomach in the adult dummy....
But I rocked out on paeds.....

And the anaesthetists were super nice and said we could come and hang out with them in theatre any time!

So, a good day.

What the.....?

Having a quick look at good ol GP Notebook for "referred pain", my delightful PBL topic this week.

Was not expecting to see "ectopic pregnancy" as a differential diagnosis for shoulder pain.

Don't you love how weird the body is?

deadline day

Well, today's the day I hand in my essay!

I spent yesterday tweaking it, and, well......... its quite shite. But, I hope its the kind of shite they like at this Med School.

All the same, don't think I'll be getting a distinction....


oo, and (obviously) I'm back! Had PBL again this morning, it was a little flat I'm afraid to say.


At least its sunny.

I can't believe I just wrote that....

" I will continue to work towards becoming a more patient and thoughtful communicator"


VOMIT!!!!!

God I hate happy doctor bullshit.

And the panic sets in...

Still haven't finished the f***ing essay. And I realised last night that I had made the worst mistake of all.......not reading the question properly. And suddenly my examples didn't see so relevant. So I'm tweaking away. And now I have another problem; I've only done 2/3, (minus intro, conclusion and references) and I'm already over my word count. I need to prune, heavily. But how do you do that without losing quality?

And I hate that I have to write this the shite way the med school wants us to, and not the way I feel I can do it best. My previous blog post is how I would like to write this. This is how the med school wants it done:

• Describe the setting (e.g. clinical, PBL group) while keeping anonymity
• Describe briefly and factually what actually happened
• Reflect on why you think it happened (factors influencing people’s behaviour, other people’s perspectives…)
• Summarise your conclusions as to what you would want to be different if this happened again, and why you think this matters
• Summarise the links between the examples and any other relevant experiences
• Show what this taught you about the realities of being a good doctor
• Relate this to yourself – your own strengths or weaknesses, how you are developing yourself as a doctor
• Conclude by showing how you propose to build on this in year(s) ahead

And I'm meant to do that 3 times over.

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, its not THAT bad, and I can do it if I put my mind to it. But it also makes it very long. I can't say all the things I want to say.......



Ugh, I hate frustration.

And I hate STUPID essays!!!!!

The hopeless case

It was our first chance to interview patients in hospital, and we were understandably excited. Medicine is still shiny and new for us, and the hospital holds a greater allure with its array of sophisticated equipment and diseases. Our group had been assigned to the haematology day treatment clinic. The registrar had arranged for us to talk to a man who was waiting while he received a blood transfusion. The clinic seems pretty nice. Most of the patients are able to sit in comfortable chairs while they read, or chat to a friend, and the atmosphere was very relaxed, the nurses calm and cheerful.

Nothing prepares you for seeing a human being look the way he did; especially in such an innocuous environment. It all looks so pleasant; you don’t expect to see this degree of illness. You are shocked by the wasted limbs, the distended, ungainly belly, the hairless scalp and the yellowed skin stretched across the frame that contains a human being. The apparent fragility is terrifying; what the illness has done to the person seems such a violence. We shuffle about, trying to recruit chairs and not knock the drip poles or the patients. I feel this is such a hideous intrusion, but he says he doesn’t mind. With five of us now perched around him, the interview is supposed to begin. I feel like we are vultures, waiting to gorge ourselves on the history.



Bit by bit we gather his story, and then the true horror of disease emerges. The person inside the frame; the person he was has slowly been disassembled piece by piece. We have forms to fill and questions about his “concerns” and “expectations” to ask. How do you do that? Tentatively I ask if he knows what treatment is planned next, even though I know he’s surviving with twice-weekly transfusions, and waiting for the end. But that is the giant elephant in the room. “I’m not sure”, he says.

We thank him and leave.



This is one of my examples for my essay. Whaddya think? Too melodramatic? Too anything? Just not good enough? Feedback mucho appreciated.

Struggling

I'm floundering with this essay. Its not that I don't have things to say, its finding the right words to do it with. I can't make what I want to express fit with the formula we have been given. And its soo frustrating!!!! I hate what I've written so far; it seems so disjointed and poorly constructed. And I know I can do better. I got a frickin A in my Leaving Cert English, this is ridiculous!


Raaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!

Reflective Practice

I have to write an essay for med school about how I'm developing as a person/medical student/future dr/ blah blah blah, and its kind of a pain in the ass (and it counts for a lot of our grade!!!!!), but I get why we have to do it, and it is good to get us to think about what we've learnt and experienced (just not sure it should count for marks when things like physiology are not tested in any specific way).

Anyway, thank goodness I keep a blog, because without it I would not remember anything. Been flicking through my archives looking for inspiration. I'm struck by how much I seem to have changed since my first tentative entries.
I'm also struck by how much I've changed what I think about medicine.

This entry got me in particular. Already I have stopped being affected by the things I read. Already I see diseases not people. And that worries me. A lot. I haven't even finished my first year.

And then I'm glad that my medical school makes us write stupid essays about how we're developing as doctors, and I hope that they will keep forcing us to remind ourselves about why we are here.

Multi-species medicine.....

At home again. Am minding cousins' retriever, who has heart failure (atrial fibrillation and pulmonary oedema by my estimation), and my mother, who has atypical pneumonia.

Had to take both of them to their respective doctors today.

Kinda funny really.......

A bit of this

And this...

6pm

And its not dark!


Wooohoo! Summer is a comin'.....

Or as they say at home

"there's a grand stretch in the evenings"

Now if only out my window looked a little more like this......

Bizarre......

Ok, this is kind of a weird question, but has anyone else noticed how their pee smells like sugar puffs if they eat them?

Go out and buy some now! I swear it happens! The Honey Monster wants you to........

Don't laugh....

So. I decided to take up something that I used to do again. And I know I'm now much older....and larger...and more unfit...but....

I've decided to take an adult ballet class (stop sniggering).

I started ballet at the tender age of 4, and kept it up until I was 14, at which point the pressures of secondary school and my growing dislike of the intensity of the classes got to me. It was just too intense, and the teachers scared me....

But, quite quickly after stopping (and given that at the time I was still riding every day and playing hockey as well) I noticed I'd lost a lot of muscle tone and control.

And now 6 years down the line I don't do any other sports either (gammy knees). And I was thinking about it, and I kind of miss dancing.

So, I'm going to brave it. I am very lucky that there is actually a place where they do adult ballet classes here at uni, I don't think they're that easy to find back in Irl.

I'm in the beginners class...*sigh* lets hope I can move up to improvers......

Doesn't start till after Easter, but I'm already excited! Wish me luck!

Don't think I'll quite look like this though..... I guess it'll take time ;)

Bad patient

Ok. I caved. And went for the drugs.

I know, I know, rebound congestion and not actually solving the problem etc. etc. , but 2 weeks of snot is too many for me!!!!!!

Immunology

My PBL this week involves describing and differentiating acute and chronic inflammation. Unfortunately, to understand the million abbreviations and processes described, I basically have to learn the entire rest of the immunology book.

But, it is fascinating and I am enjoying it. Beats ortho anyway.....

However, I'm afraid I don't know much about it at all, and sometimes its hard to get my head around it. I keep getting questions popping up in my mind, especially when it comes to HIV which particularly interests me.... Can anyone help?

1. Is it possible to culture and then infuse a patient with NK cells, and thus treat viral infections?

2. Hepatitis can be treated with interferon, why not HIV?

3. Would it be possible to introduce free artificial CD4 receptors that would irreversibly bind HIV to "mop up" the virus in the system?

4. Is it possible that COX and LOX inhibitors e.g. paracetamol and other NSAID's actually dampen immune response enough to prolong infection?

5. Does HIV affect expression of MHC's in any way? If so how?

Bollox

Went out last night. Something I don't do that often (more out of laziness than anything) And then my student card,bus pass and bank card were stolen. Woo.

Great night.

*sigh*

So I have no money, no way to get into anywhere, and no access to transport.

Like I said, bollox.

Monday 25th Feb 08

Woops I got a little behind on the blogging.

So what's happened over here at my super-fun-happy-time medschool? Not much. We're working our way through ortho and rheumatology (yawn). We had our first proper cadaver anatomy session last week, and I didn't wuss out even a little. But the smell reminded me so much of vet, vile.

Haven't really been doing much work, for which I do feel rather guilty... All the same, I've been doing my bit when it comes to PBL. Unlike some members of our group. Its getting kind of bad, there are a few who just don't care, or keep using the same pathetic excuse that we are all sick of at this point. So we'll have to see how that one pans out.

Don't think I have any news. My crazy friend has now effectively eloped and is going to marry the immigrant after all.....*sigh* And I have a cold.

I think that's it.

Oh dear. How frightfully dull.....

This weeks PBL

1. Spinal chord
2. Ultrascanography
3. Dyhydrocodeine


Not too bad.

Breathing underwater.....

IS AMAZING!!!

As you've guessed, I'm learning to scuba dive. At the wonderfully discounted price of £30. God bless universities......

But if you haven't already, and you can, go out and try it!
Had the first pool session, very cool except for feeling like an ungainly walrus as I vainly tried to stop rolling around out of control.... They say it gets easier. Still cool though.

Only thing I'm not looking forward to is doing it in the sea.....brrr...

Dairy ain't the answer...

This week we've been looking at osteoporosis. And its made out that stuffing oneself with dairy products is a sure-fire way to prevent it.

So how come in Japan (where traditional diet excludes dairy) there is a lower incidence of osteoporosis in the West? Genetic? Not if you consider the fact that with Westernisation of diet the difference becomes smaller. Interesting no?

Ok, so having given up dairy I am biased, but still does nobody else think that adult humans shouldn't consume food intended for calves?

Feedback

My medschool is always asking us for "feedback", on everything. And they always say to go to them if there is a problem and they will try and sort it. And so far they have been fantastic, really helpful, always there for you.

And then I mention the fact that there is a problem with our Primary Care transport arrangements for our PBL group. They say, sorry, tough sh*t.

And I say, "but!!!!!!"

And they say my tone is unacceptable.

F***k that.


Would you say there is a problem with 9 people having to wait an hour in the freezing cold for a bus? Every week? I would. But apparently that's "unacceptable".


Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........

The last straw

Somebody ate ALL my sweet potato curry that I spent ages making.

Now I don't mine sharing, I always offer when I'm making food. But to come and find it ALL GONE this morning, when I was so looking forward to eating it today as well, words cannot express. Whoever did it is gonna PAY.


Now I'm mad. And it looked like it was going to be a good day.......

gggggggrghhhhhhhhh

Sometimes I feel like at MedSchool For Dummies. And I get frustrated.

OSCE's

Went fine.

So glad its all over!


Had a wonderful sleep........Feel much better. :)

Cinderella...

Went to the ball. But she didn't find her Prince Charming and he didn't find her lost slipper.....

On the plus side she met a lot of other charming princes, and had some very interesting conversations with them. Which was nice.

Cinderella's body clock has struck midnight, so she is going to bed......

I am so tired.

I'm sure I'm not as bad as people who actually have real jobs but hey, a girl needs a moan every now and then.

I shouldn't have left it all to the last minute. And yet I always do. I don't know whether I should give up on vowing never to do it again, because it never works.


Ugh, I cannot take writing up another case, trawling through the massive pile of books on my desk, fighting with Word. (Why has no one come up with a better word processor? It really is SHITE.)

And when I do go to bed I probably wont be able to sleep. *sigh*

I'm sorry, I know I'm whining. Its late. I need sleep.

Oo, another question for you my dear readers (all 3 of you im sure....). Well, I'm supposed to be going to a ball tomorrow night. End of OSCE's and all that. Now I'm not usually the ball going type. I was coerced into going to my debs (complete DISASTER), and I've avoided them like the plague ever since. But hey I thought, I like it here, everyone says they are going, it might be fun (and they are going to have a chocolate fountain).
And now, all of my good friends here are not going (never got round to getting tickets). And I'm getting anxious. All that social pressure. Having to dress up, worrying about how I look, who I'm going to talk to, how can I dance in a ballgown, having to eat in front of near strangers (personal neurosis, don't ask), and the fact that I am exhausted and just really really want to sleep....and sleep and sleep.......

Should I sell my ticket? Or should I swallow my fears and brave it?

What do I do what do I do????

*panics*


I need answers, and fast.

Thank you.

One down....

SSS is over. Went fine, except that NONE of my videos would play. Not one. So, that kinda sucked. Oh well.....

OSCE's tomorrow, and I still have 4 patients to write up.....blargh. Still, it should be ok. Our stations are:

1. Urinalysis and handwashing
2. Mini-consultation
3. CPR
4. Patient write ups (probably the only remotely hard one)
5. TPR
6. Blood pressure.

As long as I get my write ups done, and I don't do something spectacularly stupid, there is no reason to fail. I mean, handwashing.......c'mon...

Ewy.....

Something in my room smells like dog shit.

And I cannot find it. I have turned the place upside down.

And no one else can smell it.....maybe I'm just going insane?

FIFI

So, for my "student selected studies" this semester, I chose the sociology domain. And as my subject area "body and personhood". And as my presentation "How do new bodily norms create new disorders?"

Wow. I have learnt so much, and it has changed my perspective on so many things. I focussed mainly on eating disorders anorexia/bulimia and obesity.

One of the books I read doing my research was "Unbearable Weight" by Susan Bordo. Its absolutely fascinating. READ IT.


My other favourite is Susie Orbach's "Fat is a Feminist Issue". Ok, now anyone who hasn't heard of it, please don't groan roll your eyes and go "ugh, bloody man-hating, bra-burning feminists" This book is not about feminism per se. And anyway, why has feminism become such a dirty word? It doesn't MEAN hating men, it doesn't mean being extremist. But anyway, thats for another post.

If you are a woman, you probably have body issues. Specifically you probably want to lose weight. Ever been on a diet? Ever failed? I know I have.
Do you yo-yo with your weight?
"Do you eat when you are not physically hungry?
Do you feel out of control around food, submerged either by dieting or gorging?
Do you spend a good deal of time thinking and worrying about food and fatness?
Do you scour the latest diet for vital information?
Do you feel awful about yourself as someone who is out of control?
Do you feel awful about your body?"

(All taken from FIFI)

Ok, so now you are rolling your eyes saying, "great, ANOTHER diet book telling us how if we eat such and such and do this and that we won't ever want a 'bad' food again and we will become stick like goddesses."

Nope. Thats not what FIFI is about. Its not about dieting, its not about getting thin. And it might show you things about yourself that you were never even aware of, things that have been seriously messing with your head.


So anyway, my message to all woman, is GO AND BUY THIS BOOK. It will change your mind. And then maybe, you can change your life......

And if you use the link to the book depository, you get free delivery!

please, do this.

And tell everyone you know.

Oh and Unbearable Weight is pretty fascinating too. Get it for good measure ;)

Off again..

Apologies for the hiatus.

So, heading back to En-ger-land this afternoon! Feeling kinda weird....... Probably because I'm super behind on my study and am completely freaked out by how little work I've managed to do in a month.

Hospital work was very cool though, and I did learn a lot (although only about cardiology which I don't do til 2nd year...oh well). Been meaning to write a post about that, the differences I've noticed between Irl and UK etc.. Maybe when I've done my 2000 word analytical review which is due for tuesday......SHIT SHIT AND SHIT!!!!!!!!

Right, gotta finish packing (I don't know if there's anything I hate more). My bag is already full, and I haven't packed ANY of my books (Kumar&Clark must weigh like 5 kilos on its own.....). Gotta tackle the handluggage.....



Wish me luck!

Wow

Saw 2 angiograms and 3 transesophageal echograms....... Very cool. On the TOE's I saw 1 ?endocarditis with aortic valve stenosis, 1 patent foramen ovale (the bubble trick is BRILLIANT, will discuss again later), and 1 normal!

Going back tomorrow for more!

Pity we're not doing cardio 'til year 2......

It is obscenely early...

For the Christmas Holidays, but I'm going to shadow a cardiologist today, so I guess that makes it ok....

:)

Woo!

Stupid Boy

Came out of the blue to make me feel shitty again. On New Years. F**cker.

The worst part is that I still give a sh*t. I shouldn't.




Why. Can't. I. Just. Let. It. Go