Nightmares

I keep dreaming that I get my exam results and I've failed. Its horrible.

If I do fail I don't know what I will do. My ticket for Zambia is bought, everything is planned.

I knew when planning this trip that it was a risk I had to take. But its so much more scary now that results are in 4 days.


So I'm home again, and catching up on my sleep. The crap thing is that the weather here is cold and wet, and my uni city is basking in the sun.......

Ugh, another reason I really really need to go to Zambia; I'm going to go insane if I don't get some sun this year.

4 days......count down. Is it ridiculous that I'm actually too scared to read my horoscope in the paper in case it bodes ill?

Send me good vibes please!

Really want to see this

Goodbyes

I hate them. Even when I know they're only for a short while.

It was so sad emptying my room and leaving. A slice of my life is over. I had some good times in my halls. So sad saying goodbye. Even though I know I'm going to see them all in September!

Packing is hell. It's hard to think of something I hate doing more. And unfortunately my bag is full and I haven't finished. Ugh, and then all those rules about handluggage make it really awkward.

I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. (At my house, have left campus, in case you are confused!) Not home yet.

At least I don't have to think about medicine. :)

The End.

I have finished my first year of medical school. It feels like aeons since it all began.

Had last OSCE today, went fine, a few boo boos, but nothing major.

And I've spent the afternoon emptying my room. It's been horrific. My little room that has been my home for the last 9 months looks so naked.

I'm sad. I always hate leaving, even if I've been looking forward to it.

Last heave of stuff tomorrow, and then its aeroplane time on Sat.

Can't believe its all over. Its been generally good.

Bring on second year!

I'm going to the pub.....

So close.....

Last OSCE tomorrow. I can't concentrate on revising, I have had enough!!!!!!

Written papers were a bit crap. Well, the EMQ's (the actual test of our medical knowledge) went fine, and I'm sure I passed, but the ANP (the stupid one with the notes) was a bit awful. Stuff came up we didn't have notes on, and the time pressure was intense. I just finished, but I'm really worried about failing. I just don't feel my answers were good enough. I feel sick when I think about it, I CAN'T fail!!!!!! We get our results on the 27th. One week. The other ridiculous thing my uni does is refuse to post major exam results on our internet accounts. They put them up on a noticeboard in the faculty. How considerate of them! Never mind very few people live locally and everyone will have been kicked out of accommodation by then. Or students like me who live in another country. It's f**king ridiculous.

Feeling twitchy and listening to Bloc Party. Can't settle down to revise patient cases. Ugh.

Just gotta get through today...

Tis the day

Got my exams this afternoon. Is it weird that I'm actually a little excited? Finally, finally we can get it over with! The weeks leading up to this have dragged on and on.

Supposed to be last minute revising, but not taking much in.

Lets hope it goes well!

Oo, and I'm loving 'Flakes' by the mystery jets. Check it out!

The sky is black

It looks a lot like the above, and perfectly reflects my mood.

Written papers the day after tomorrow, and then two more days til final OSCE, and then, finally, finally, I'll be finished!

I've got to the point where I just want it to be over.

I don't know if I've done enough revision, or if I've covered enough of the important topics. So I don't know how confident I should be about this exam. And as I said before, I can't afford to fail.

I wouldn't normally be so worried but the exams are a completely different format to anything I've done before.

The first part is an EMQ (extended-matching questions), which can be very difficult, as its not just a question of selecting the right answer, but the most appropriate answer. And from looking at the mock papers, sometimes its all a bit ambiguous. It wouldn't bother me if it was all medicine, but its the psychosocial crap, and the health economics, and the law that catch me out. I really, really don't give a sh*t about law. Maybe I should, but I don't.

The second part is an ANP, or Advanced Notice Paper, the concept of which seems to me completely ridiculous. We've been given 6 "scenarios" (e.g. Joe Smith is an x who fell and broke his leg. His mum is worried because of blah, and he has now contracted an infection, plus his granny has diabetes blah blah blah), 3 of which will come up in the exam and have questions based on them. But, we are allowed to bring notes into the exam. Sounds great? It's not. a) deciding what topics need to be covered is endless, as the scenarios are super broad. b) compiling the notes is a pain in the ass (already have over 100 pages) c) time is very tight in the exam and its going to be really hard to convert notes into answers d) if something comes up thats not in your notes, you could be in trouble e) this is not a test of our ability of knowledge, but merely a test of our indexing skills. And I think e) is what pisses me off the most. Seriously, WHAT is the point of an exam where you bring notes in?!?!?!?!

And, I've never done one before, so I don't know how it will go.

Other things that piss me off: structure of the NHS - again, I don't care!!!, the doctor-patient relationship (writing essay answers about it that is), the MDT - don't even get me started on the MDT. Do I really need to know how an OT does a home assessment in detail; isn't that the OT's job? Benefits - again, not my job, call up the DWP and ask them!!!! The sick role - sick to death of the biopsyhosocial crap in general. The list is pretty much a summary of everything I'm supposed to know from the first semester. WASTE OF TIME.

Ok, needed to get that out. Apologies for the bitch fest, but seriously, when it comes to exams, this university is f**king insane!!!!!