Vet Gone Med

Even though...

2009-01-26T21:16:00.001Z

I'm a die-hard atheist, but I can't help LOVING this song. And I really want to try it with my choir! (Did I mention I started a choir)

Only prob is, tonight was the 1st rehearsal of the year, and how many came.....3. *sigh*

Enjoy!

Home again?

2009-01-11T12:35:00.002Z

Heading back to Uni today. This is the first time that I'm really not looking forward to it. Not quite sure why either.

Maybe it's the thought of PBHELL tomorrow.......

Oh well, at least I have my ER dvd's to comfort me....

Ferociously windy here, I'm a little terrified that the plane will get blown off the runway....eek!

What would you do?

2009-01-04T17:49:00.005Z

I've been working through old ER DVD's; am currently on season 3.

One of the plot themes is that of a Physicians Assistant who is HIV+ (thanks to her ex-husband).

Recently, she has been receiving attention from the handsome infectious disease specialist, Dr. Greg Fischer, who is initially unaware of her status. She tells him on their first "date" and expects to hear no more from him.

However, Dr. Fischer doesn't give up on her and asks after a while for a second date. Afterwards, chemistry sparks between them and the relationship continues.

What happens next? They decide to do it.

But what would you do, if you were in that position? If you were Dr. Fischer would you take it further?

How would you feel about having a relationship with someone who is HIV+? Someone who you really liked, really got on with, everything else was perfect.

Considering that HIV is relatively hard to catch (compared to say some airborne viruses) and that someone on correct treatment can have very low viral counts and be quite un-infectious.

Do you think you could do it? And if it was hepatitis would you feel differently?

Of course, if you're a healthcare worker you might feel that it would never be worth the risk as it would effectively kill your career if you were HIV+. Which is kind of a bummer. And I don't know if it's necessarily fair either.
I don't think I would mind being treated by someone + because you actually have to try fairly hard to get HIV. For example a needle stick is only 0.3% risk.

Apparently even unprotected vaginal sex carries a risk of 0.1-0.3% (I guess this depends on a lot of factors though such as vaginal tears, viral load etc. etc.) Unprotected anal sex is a lot higher (1-10%)

So what do you think?

(Condoms - 1.9% breakage rate)

Interesting

2009-01-01T14:50:00.002Z

Someone sent me an article recently because they know I am interested in Zambia, and then I came across this aswell. It's fascinating.

What do you think?

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T13:41:00.002Z

Had a very fun night last night, dressed up in something fabulous and goofing around with my friends. We've been working on a routine to this.

Anyway, was all great til after I came home and my dinner decided to say hello again. This morning I discover I've got petechiae all over my face and neck and look like I've got the pox. Does this happen to anyone else when they throw up? It happens to me every time..

Happy New Year everyone!

What are your resolutions? I haven't made any.....yet.

I'm thinking study harder should be number one; I've been seriously laid back this semester and my grades showed it too.

Also thinking of taking the USMLE's..... am I mad?

Anyway, hope you all have a good New Year Beginning!

I love this too!

2008-12-08T22:07:00.000Z

I feel it should be on Grey's.........

Wow I'm getting soppy...

Lovin' this....

2008-12-08T21:41:00.000Z

Aww.....

World AIDS Day

2008-12-06T20:20:00.003Z

A bit late I'm afraid, but an interesting MSF video.

60% of children infected with HIV die before their second birthday.

Uh-oh

2008-12-06T14:47:00.003Z

OSCE on monday.

And I have a headache and joint pains.....and flu is going around.....

Uh-oh.

Can't wait for it to be over, so I can relax and enjoy the lead up to Christmas!

Housemate rage.

2008-12-02T19:51:00.002Z

She burnt my hippo and my cat.

The cute little figurines my Mum got me that were sitting on top of the (unlit) stove in the front room. She lit the stove and was too stupid to take them off. So I come home to this dreadful stink like something burning. And I have to go and take them off the still hot stove. She isn't even using the goddamn thing!!!

I am so mad right now. So mad.

Maybe I should burn something of hers and leave it there, without an apology.

grr.

My dear readers...

2008-10-06T16:14:00.005+01:00

If you're still checking this, bless you.

So i've been a very bad blogger and temporarily abandoned things. So much to write about too.

But as usual, I've had a bad day and a bad week, so I thought I'd share my feelings here. I need catharsis.

New year, new subjects, at the moment cardio. One of my favourite subjects. But somehow my uni is managing to destroy it for me.

Part of that is my new PBL group, whom I loathe.

They are soooo fucking retarded!!!!! And so argumentative. And did I mention RETARDED??????

Ugh. So this is the 2nd week in a row that I've been held back after PBL to "get a talking to" from the PBL tutor.

Last week it was cos I was, 'arsey'. So were a lot of others in my group, but I get singled out.

Then; last week came down with horrendous UTI which turned out to be resistant to the first set of antibiotics I was given, which left me writhing and crying in agony on the GP waiting room floor by Thursday. Long story short I missed a lot last week and didn't get my PBL work up. Which was fine by my group. But bitchface tutor has to hold me back again!!!!! And makes me tell him exactly what my medical problem is. Sorry, but isn't that a massive invasion of privacy? And he tells me, I'd better post it or else! Already said I would, I don't intend to skimp. Oh and that, having missed one, I'd better put 110% into everything else from now on. WTF IS HIS PROBLEM???????

Look at my record, I am a model fucking student. 3 bloody distinctions, excellent tutor reports, scholarship, no absences, active in extra-curricular activitie; all that shite.

I don't get what his problem is with me.

Maybe it's cos I'm Irish? I don't fucking know. But I'm well pissed.

This whole course is getting me down. I just want to bury my head under the duvet and never come out.

Here's a song that expresses how I feel.

Ok I can't find it on the web. *sigh*

Thank you for listening..

Kabwe, Zambia

2008-08-01T13:24:00.002+01:00

I have arrived.

So happy to be back! The colours and the smells and the people......it's just the same. Feels like I never left, even though it's been 3 years.

Can't wait to see the hospice and the kids!

Will post more another time.

I caved...

2008-07-13T13:46:00.002+01:00

I was tempted, so tempted by promises of golden skin and plentiful moisturisation. But what sold me was the "improved fragrance" claim; no biscuit smell!!!!

Yes readers, I bought Johnson's Holiday Skin.

And now I stink. Ugh.

Have to say though, the colour is not bad.

I am just so sick of being pasty white and pink!!!!! And even though I abhor fake tan, I caved.

*sigh*

Have you heard this on the news?

2008-07-02T19:29:00.002+01:00

I'll bet you haven't.

D

2008-06-27T16:27:00.002+01:00

Stands for distinction at my uni.

I got one.

So in shock.

And so relieved.

Thank you so much to all those who sent good vibes and wishes, means a lot!

Tick tock

2008-06-27T11:29:00.001+01:00

4 1/2 hours till results.

Watching the clock.

One more day

2008-06-26T14:15:00.002+01:00

Dear lord this week has dragged.

Exam results tomorrow, but not until after 4pm. Could they make it any worse!!!!

Really really worried. Was talking to a friend who just graduated, and he was saying one year he failed by a mark. One mark. How ridiculous is that? Other exams I've done before, they don't let it be that close. And it makes me think about my paper in my head. How many points did I leave out? How many one mark's did I lose? And the pass mark is flexible, so it could be as high as 50%. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Cat is wheezing again. I'm concerned. Wondering if I should try Grandmothers inhaler on her.....

Idiot

2008-06-25T12:21:00.003+01:00

So, I'm supposed to be going to Zambia in a months time.

For malaria prophylaxis I'm taking doxycyline. Got my prescription, went to the pharmacy, got the pills.

Get home to Ireland and take them out of my bag. Look at the boxes. Prescription sticker says 16 caps per box. Box says 8 caps.

I only have 1/2 the amount I need. See below very crappy photo of prescription sticker. You can see it says "16 Doxycycline....."

And here, is a pic of the box

Kinda obvious right?

Stupid stupid pharmacist!!!!!! Arrrrrgh. And now I'm stuck, because I'm not in England, and I can't get to the pharmacy to get what I was prescribed for.

Its a teeny tiny pharmacy, they aren't exactly run off their feet, how hard would it have been to check they'd given me the right drug.

Just really really wished I'd checked while I was there. But you don't expect this to happen.

Grrrr.

Nightmares

2008-06-23T12:46:00.002+01:00

I keep dreaming that I get my exam results and I've failed. Its horrible.

If I do fail I don't know what I will do. My ticket for Zambia is bought, everything is planned.

I knew when planning this trip that it was a risk I had to take. But its so much more scary now that results are in 4 days.

So I'm home again, and catching up on my sleep. The crap thing is that the weather here is cold and wet, and my uni city is basking in the sun.......

Ugh, another reason I really really need to go to Zambia; I'm going to go insane if I don't get some sun this year.

4 days......count down. Is it ridiculous that I'm actually too scared to read my horoscope in the paper in case it bodes ill?

Send me good vibes please!

Really want to see this

2008-06-20T22:31:00.000+01:00

Goodbyes

2008-06-20T22:05:00.002+01:00

I hate them. Even when I know they're only for a short while.

It was so sad emptying my room and leaving. A slice of my life is over. I had some good times in my halls. So sad saying goodbye. Even though I know I'm going to see them all in September!

Packing is hell. It's hard to think of something I hate doing more. And unfortunately my bag is full and I haven't finished. Ugh, and then all those rules about handluggage make it really awkward.

I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. (At my house, have left campus, in case you are confused!) Not home yet.

At least I don't have to think about medicine. :)

The End.

2008-06-19T19:06:00.002+01:00

I have finished my first year of medical school. It feels like aeons since it all began.

Had last OSCE today, went fine, a few boo boos, but nothing major.

And I've spent the afternoon emptying my room. It's been horrific. My little room that has been my home for the last 9 months looks so naked.

I'm sad. I always hate leaving, even if I've been looking forward to it.

Last heave of stuff tomorrow, and then its aeroplane time on Sat.

Can't believe its all over. Its been generally good.

Bring on second year!

I'm going to the pub.....

So close.....

2008-06-18T12:17:00.002+01:00

Last OSCE tomorrow. I can't concentrate on revising, I have had enough!!!!!!

Written papers were a bit crap. Well, the EMQ's (the actual test of our medical knowledge) went fine, and I'm sure I passed, but the ANP (the stupid one with the notes) was a bit awful. Stuff came up we didn't have notes on, and the time pressure was intense. I just finished, but I'm really worried about failing. I just don't feel my answers were good enough. I feel sick when I think about it, I CAN'T fail!!!!!! We get our results on the 27th. One week. The other ridiculous thing my uni does is refuse to post major exam results on our internet accounts. They put them up on a noticeboard in the faculty. How considerate of them! Never mind very few people live locally and everyone will have been kicked out of accommodation by then. Or students like me who live in another country. It's f**king ridiculous.

Feeling twitchy and listening to Bloc Party. Can't settle down to revise patient cases. Ugh.

Just gotta get through today...

Tis the day

2008-06-16T10:42:00.002+01:00

Got my exams this afternoon. Is it weird that I'm actually a little excited? Finally, finally we can get it over with! The weeks leading up to this have dragged on and on.

Supposed to be last minute revising, but not taking much in.

Lets hope it goes well!

Oo, and I'm loving 'Flakes' by the mystery jets. Check it out!

The sky is black

2008-06-14T21:30:00.002+01:00

It looks a lot like the above, and perfectly reflects my mood.

Written papers the day after tomorrow, and then two more days til final OSCE, and then, finally, finally, I'll be finished!

I've got to the point where I just want it to be over.

I don't know if I've done enough revision, or if I've covered enough of the important topics. So I don't know how confident I should be about this exam. And as I said before, I can't afford to fail.

I wouldn't normally be so worried but the exams are a completely different format to anything I've done before.

The first part is an EMQ (extended-matching questions), which can be very difficult, as its not just a question of selecting the right answer, but the most appropriate answer. And from looking at the mock papers, sometimes its all a bit ambiguous. It wouldn't bother me if it was all medicine, but its the psychosocial crap, and the health economics, and the law that catch me out. I really, really don't give a sh*t about law. Maybe I should, but I don't.

The second part is an ANP, or Advanced Notice Paper, the concept of which seems to me completely ridiculous. We've been given 6 "scenarios" (e.g. Joe Smith is an x who fell and broke his leg. His mum is worried because of blah, and he has now contracted an infection, plus his granny has diabetes blah blah blah), 3 of which will come up in the exam and have questions based on them. But, we are allowed to bring notes into the exam. Sounds great? It's not. a) deciding what topics need to be covered is endless, as the scenarios are super broad. b) compiling the notes is a pain in the ass (already have over 100 pages) c) time is very tight in the exam and its going to be really hard to convert notes into answers d) if something comes up thats not in your notes, you could be in trouble e) this is not a test of our ability of knowledge, but merely a test of our indexing skills. And I think e) is what pisses me off the most. Seriously, WHAT is the point of an exam where you bring notes in?!?!?!?!

And, I've never done one before, so I don't know how it will go.

Other things that piss me off: structure of the NHS - again, I don't care!!!, the doctor-patient relationship (writing essay answers about it that is), the MDT - don't even get me started on the MDT. Do I really need to know how an OT does a home assessment in detail; isn't that the OT's job? Benefits - again, not my job, call up the DWP and ask them!!!! The sick role - sick to death of the biopsyhosocial crap in general. The list is pretty much a summary of everything I'm supposed to know from the first semester. WASTE OF TIME.

Ok, needed to get that out. Apologies for the bitch fest, but seriously, when it comes to exams, this university is f**king insane!!!!!

Just do it!

2008-06-09T14:20:00.002+01:00

Can't motivate myself to study. I'm daydreaming about pretty much everything else under the sun except work.

Doesn't help that its 24degrees today and absolutely gorgeous, and I'm a complete sun worshipper.

Want to go outside!!!

Ugh.

The worst part is I really absolutely cannot afford to fail any of these exams. Two reasons; resits are when I'm in Zambia, and I'll lose my scholarship, which I really need.

Ok. Time to focus.

Half way

2008-06-08T12:54:00.002+01:00

So the OSCE and my SSS presentation went fine, after all my worrying!

Now comes the worst part.....the written paper.

Too much to learn....too little time.....as usual. And its sunny, so all I'm thinking about is sunbathing!

This day two weeks I'll be home for the summer. Seems surreal to think about.

Right..... breakfast time.

Stress

2008-06-04T11:07:00.003+01:00

It's begun

The fear. The terrible terrible fear of exams has set in. The dread. The despair. The feeling of nothing being enough.

I feel like I don't know anything - which is stupid because I know I do. There's plenty I don't know, but I haven't gone through the year without absorbing some stuff.

First OSCE tomorrow. It shouldn't be hard. Only 6 stations. I just keep thinking what if they ask this? or that? or go into detail on x y or z.

Eek.

K, gotta go and get back to it.

Progress...

2008-06-03T20:37:00.004+01:00

A friend of mine did his last OSCE of med school today. Now, he will become a junior doctor, and begin his career.

I find it kind of scary. The thought of thatt eventually being me is daunting.

But, at the same time, I wish I was already there, and not about to go into the 2nd year of 5.

And as usual I'm massively behind on revision.

Still writing up my patient cases, and the OSCE is the day after tomorrow. It's not the last exam though!! Plenty more to go...

Ugh, I hate being at this point, where it's all about to begin. I just want to finish and go home!!!

I've been tagged...

2008-05-27T23:26:00.002+01:00

For the first time ever...which is kind of nice.....makes me feel special, lol!

Ok, so 7 songs I've been listening to this week.

Well, thanks to Tayaki, my first 3 are going to be My Moon My Man, 1234, and I Feel It All by Feist.
4. Dance With You - Machel Montano
5. Bouger Bouger - Magic System
6. Wearing My Rolex - Wiley
7. Respect Yuh Wife - Ce'Cile.

Definitely a more dancey vibe this week......

Still can't sleep.

have tried melatonin, hops+valerian, warm shower, more bedclothes, less bedclothes, going to bed early, going to bed late, exercising to tire myself out........

Nothing works!!!

Any help at all would be much appreciated.

Oh, and If you're reading, consider yourself tagged!

Grr

2008-05-20T21:13:00.003+01:00

I don't appreciate my flatmates who have already finished running around screaming and making noise and playing massively loud music so that my room vibrates.

Not when I still have a month to go.

Argh, shut the fuck up!!!! Stupid fucking creative writing students.........

If I get woken up at 4 am, I won't be a happy bunny. And I'm not nice when I'm woken up. I've been known to get quite irate. Especially when insomnia is making sleep very precious.

Sorry, needed to let that out.

I can't sleep

2008-05-19T22:47:00.002+01:00

And its driving me insane.

So tonight, I'm not going to bed until I am near catatonic.

Its times like this I wish I was already qualified and could get some kind helpful colleague to write me a script for something lovely and sleep-inducing......mmmm....drugs....

On other notes, I haven't posted in a while, so apologies, to any of you who may still be reading. No real excuses on my part other than laziness.

Exams are fast approaching and I'm panicking. Feeling absolutely overwhelmed by it all. Projects due, barely started, cases to write up, only one done, weeks and weeks of PBL to revise, anatomy (sweet mary mother of god ANATOMY!!!! my worst enemy!!!!) to attempt to learn, physical exams, consultation skills........ the list seems endless.

Does this perhaps explain why I can't sleep? Perhaps.

On a positive note, I did manage to (somehow, I have no idea how) get a distinction on that abominable essay I had to write over Easter....

Wow, Easter seems a long time ago.

Tayaki has finished, and I think this is the only time I wish I was still in vet school. Also, the thought that this is the best it will be and that summer holidays will be even shorter next year kinda bums me out.

The other good thing that is happening, is that I'm taking 5 other med students out to Zambia this summer. Will write a post about that later...... I may even ask for your money......

So that's my life at the moment. You're probably thinking I would have been better off staying on hiatus......

Tube

2008-04-23T17:56:00.002+01:00

Today the surgical society ran an anaesthetics session. We had a lecture on the history of anaesthesia, "an introduction to field anaesthesia in africa", and (the fun part) a practical airway management session.

We got to play with endotracheal tubes, oropharyngeal airways, nasopharyngeal airways, and the fabulous ambu bag. LOVE IT!!!!!

Unfortunately, I only managed to intubate the stomach in the adult dummy....
But I rocked out on paeds.....

And the anaesthetists were super nice and said we could come and hang out with them in theatre any time!

So, a good day.

What the.....?

2008-04-21T22:52:00.002+01:00

Having a quick look at good ol GP Notebook for "referred pain", my delightful PBL topic this week.

Was not expecting to see "ectopic pregnancy" as a differential diagnosis for shoulder pain.

Don't you love how weird the body is?

deadline day

2008-04-14T10:30:00.002+01:00

Well, today's the day I hand in my essay!

I spent yesterday tweaking it, and, well......... its quite shite. But, I hope its the kind of shite they like at this Med School.

All the same, don't think I'll be getting a distinction....

oo, and (obviously) I'm back! Had PBL again this morning, it was a little flat I'm afraid to say.

At least its sunny.

I can't believe I just wrote that....

2008-04-11T16:57:00.001+01:00

" I will continue to work towards becoming a more patient and thoughtful communicator"

VOMIT!!!!!

God I hate happy doctor bullshit.

And the panic sets in...

2008-04-11T13:11:00.004+01:00

Still haven't finished the f***ing essay. And I realised last night that I had made the worst mistake of all.......not reading the question properly. And suddenly my examples didn't see so relevant. So I'm tweaking away. And now I have another problem; I've only done 2/3, (minus intro, conclusion and references) and I'm already over my word count. I need to prune, heavily. But how do you do that without losing quality?

And I hate that I have to write this the shite way the med school wants us to, and not the way I feel I can do it best. My previous blog post is how I would like to write this. This is how the med school wants it done:

• Describe the setting (e.g. clinical, PBL group) while keeping anonymity
• Describe briefly and factually what actually happened
• Reflect on why you think it happened (factors influencing people’s behaviour, other people’s perspectives…)
• Summarise your conclusions as to what you would want to be different if this happened again, and why you think this matters
• Summarise the links between the examples and any other relevant experiences
• Show what this taught you about the realities of being a good doctor
• Relate this to yourself – your own strengths or weaknesses, how you are developing yourself as a doctor
• Conclude by showing how you propose to build on this in year(s) ahead

And I'm meant to do that 3 times over.

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, its not THAT bad, and I can do it if I put my mind to it. But it also makes it very long. I can't say all the things I want to say.......

Ugh, I hate frustration.

And I hate STUPID essays!!!!!

The hopeless case

2008-04-08T21:46:00.001+01:00

It was our first chance to interview patients in hospital, and we were understandably excited. Medicine is still shiny and new for us, and the hospital holds a greater allure with its array of sophisticated equipment and diseases. Our group had been assigned to the haematology day treatment clinic. The registrar had arranged for us to talk to a man who was waiting while he received a blood transfusion. The clinic seems pretty nice. Most of the patients are able to sit in comfortable chairs while they read, or chat to a friend, and the atmosphere was very relaxed, the nurses calm and cheerful.

Nothing prepares you for seeing a human being look the way he did; especially in such an innocuous environment. It all looks so pleasant; you don’t expect to see this degree of illness. You are shocked by the wasted limbs, the distended, ungainly belly, the hairless scalp and the yellowed skin stretched across the frame that contains a human being. The apparent fragility is terrifying; what the illness has done to the person seems such a violence. We shuffle about, trying to recruit chairs and not knock the drip poles or the patients. I feel this is such a hideous intrusion, but he says he doesn’t mind. With five of us now perched around him, the interview is supposed to begin. I feel like we are vultures, waiting to gorge ourselves on the history.

Bit by bit we gather his story, and then the true horror of disease emerges. The person inside the frame; the person he was has slowly been disassembled piece by piece. We have forms to fill and questions about his “concerns” and “expectations” to ask. How do you do that? Tentatively I ask if he knows what treatment is planned next, even though I know he’s surviving with twice-weekly transfusions, and waiting for the end. But that is the giant elephant in the room. “I’m not sure”, he says.

We thank him and leave.

This is one of my examples for my essay. Whaddya think? Too melodramatic? Too anything? Just not good enough? Feedback mucho appreciated.

Struggling

2008-04-01T14:13:00.002+01:00

I'm floundering with this essay. Its not that I don't have things to say, its finding the right words to do it with. I can't make what I want to express fit with the formula we have been given. And its soo frustrating!!!! I hate what I've written so far; it seems so disjointed and poorly constructed. And I know I can do better. I got a frickin A in my Leaving Cert English, this is ridiculous!

Raaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!

Reflective Practice

2008-03-28T14:20:00.002Z

I have to write an essay for med school about how I'm developing as a person/medical student/future dr/ blah blah blah, and its kind of a pain in the ass (and it counts for a lot of our grade!!!!!), but I get why we have to do it, and it is good to get us to think about what we've learnt and experienced (just not sure it should count for marks when things like physiology are not tested in any specific way).

Anyway, thank goodness I keep a blog, because without it I would not remember anything. Been flicking through my archives looking for inspiration. I'm struck by how much I seem to have changed since my first tentative entries.
I'm also struck by how much I've changed what I think about medicine.

This entry got me in particular. Already I have stopped being affected by the things I read. Already I see diseases not people. And that worries me. A lot. I haven't even finished my first year.

And then I'm glad that my medical school makes us write stupid essays about how we're developing as doctors, and I hope that they will keep forcing us to remind ourselves about why we are here.

Multi-species medicine.....

2008-03-20T16:34:00.002Z

At home again. Am minding cousins' retriever, who has heart failure (atrial fibrillation and pulmonary oedema by my estimation), and my mother, who has atypical pneumonia.

Had to take both of them to their respective doctors today.

Kinda funny really.......

A bit of this

And this...

6pm

2008-03-12T18:00:00.002Z

And its not dark!

Wooohoo! Summer is a comin'.....

Or as they say at home

"there's a grand stretch in the evenings"

Now if only out my window looked a little more like this......

Bizarre......

2008-03-12T09:56:00.002Z

Ok, this is kind of a weird question, but has anyone else noticed how their pee smells like sugar puffs if they eat them?

Go out and buy some now! I swear it happens! The Honey Monster wants you to........

Don't laugh....

2008-03-10T13:15:00.002Z

So. I decided to take up something that I used to do again. And I know I'm now much older....and larger...and more unfit...but....

I've decided to take an adult ballet class (stop sniggering).

I started ballet at the tender age of 4, and kept it up until I was 14, at which point the pressures of secondary school and my growing dislike of the intensity of the classes got to me. It was just too intense, and the teachers scared me....

But, quite quickly after stopping (and given that at the time I was still riding every day and playing hockey as well) I noticed I'd lost a lot of muscle tone and control.

And now 6 years down the line I don't do any other sports either (gammy knees). And I was thinking about it, and I kind of miss dancing.

So, I'm going to brave it. I am very lucky that there is actually a place where they do adult ballet classes here at uni, I don't think they're that easy to find back in Irl.

I'm in the beginners class...*sigh* lets hope I can move up to improvers......

Doesn't start till after Easter, but I'm already excited! Wish me luck!

Don't think I'll quite look like this though..... I guess it'll take time ;)

Bad patient

2008-03-05T10:48:00.002Z

Ok. I caved. And went for the drugs.

I know, I know, rebound congestion and not actually solving the problem etc. etc. , but 2 weeks of snot is too many for me!!!!!!

Immunology

2008-03-04T22:36:00.003Z

My PBL this week involves describing and differentiating acute and chronic inflammation. Unfortunately, to understand the million abbreviations and processes described, I basically have to learn the entire rest of the immunology book.

But, it is fascinating and I am enjoying it. Beats ortho anyway.....

However, I'm afraid I don't know much about it at all, and sometimes its hard to get my head around it. I keep getting questions popping up in my mind, especially when it comes to HIV which particularly interests me.... Can anyone help?

1. Is it possible to culture and then infuse a patient with NK cells, and thus treat viral infections?

2. Hepatitis can be treated with interferon, why not HIV?

3. Would it be possible to introduce free artificial CD4 receptors that would irreversibly bind HIV to "mop up" the virus in the system?

4. Is it possible that COX and LOX inhibitors e.g. paracetamol and other NSAID's actually dampen immune response enough to prolong infection?

5. Does HIV affect expression of MHC's in any way? If so how?

Bollox

2008-03-02T11:58:00.002Z

Went out last night. Something I don't do that often (more out of laziness than anything) And then my student card,bus pass and bank card were stolen. Woo.

Great night.

*sigh*

So I have no money, no way to get into anywhere, and no access to transport.

Like I said, bollox.

Monday 25th Feb 08

2008-02-25T16:10:00.002Z

Woops I got a little behind on the blogging.

So what's happened over here at my super-fun-happy-time medschool? Not much. We're working our way through ortho and rheumatology (yawn). We had our first proper cadaver anatomy session last week, and I didn't wuss out even a little. But the smell reminded me so much of vet, vile.

Haven't really been doing much work, for which I do feel rather guilty... All the same, I've been doing my bit when it comes to PBL. Unlike some members of our group. Its getting kind of bad, there are a few who just don't care, or keep using the same pathetic excuse that we are all sick of at this point. So we'll have to see how that one pans out.

Don't think I have any news. My crazy friend has now effectively eloped and is going to marry the immigrant after all.....*sigh* And I have a cold.

I think that's it.

Oh dear. How frightfully dull.....

This weeks PBL

2008-02-08T09:51:00.000Z

1. Spinal chord
2. Ultrascanography
3. Dyhydrocodeine

Not too bad.

Breathing underwater.....

2008-02-04T18:33:00.000Z

IS AMAZING!!!

As you've guessed, I'm learning to scuba dive. At the wonderfully discounted price of £30. God bless universities......

But if you haven't already, and you can, go out and try it!
Had the first pool session, very cool except for feeling like an ungainly walrus as I vainly tried to stop rolling around out of control.... They say it gets easier. Still cool though.

Only thing I'm not looking forward to is doing it in the sea.....brrr...

Dairy ain't the answer...

2008-01-31T01:08:00.000Z

This week we've been looking at osteoporosis. And its made out that stuffing oneself with dairy products is a sure-fire way to prevent it.

So how come in Japan (where traditional diet excludes dairy) there is a lower incidence of osteoporosis in the West? Genetic? Not if you consider the fact that with Westernisation of diet the difference becomes smaller. Interesting no?

Ok, so having given up dairy I am biased, but still does nobody else think that adult humans shouldn't consume food intended for calves?

Feedback

2008-01-30T18:20:00.000Z

My medschool is always asking us for "feedback", on everything. And they always say to go to them if there is a problem and they will try and sort it. And so far they have been fantastic, really helpful, always there for you.

And then I mention the fact that there is a problem with our Primary Care transport arrangements for our PBL group. They say, sorry, tough sh*t.

And I say, "but!!!!!!"

And they say my tone is unacceptable.

F***k that.

Would you say there is a problem with 9 people having to wait an hour in the freezing cold for a bus? Every week? I would. But apparently that's "unacceptable".

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........

The last straw

2008-01-30T10:51:00.000Z

Somebody ate ALL my sweet potato curry that I spent ages making.

Now I don't mine sharing, I always offer when I'm making food. But to come and find it ALL GONE this morning, when I was so looking forward to eating it today as well, words cannot express. Whoever did it is gonna PAY.

Now I'm mad. And it looked like it was going to be a good day.......

gggggggrghhhhhhhhh

2008-01-29T23:16:00.000Z

Sometimes I feel like at MedSchool For Dummies. And I get frustrated.

OSCE's

2008-01-26T15:01:00.000Z

Went fine.

So glad its all over!

Had a wonderful sleep........Feel much better. :)

Cinderella...

2008-01-26T01:16:00.001Z

Went to the ball. But she didn't find her Prince Charming and he didn't find her lost slipper.....

On the plus side she met a lot of other charming princes, and had some very interesting conversations with them. Which was nice.

Cinderella's body clock has struck midnight, so she is going to bed......

I am so tired.

2008-01-24T23:48:00.000Z

I'm sure I'm not as bad as people who actually have real jobs but hey, a girl needs a moan every now and then.

I shouldn't have left it all to the last minute. And yet I always do. I don't know whether I should give up on vowing never to do it again, because it never works.

Ugh, I cannot take writing up another case, trawling through the massive pile of books on my desk, fighting with Word. (Why has no one come up with a better word processor? It really is SHITE.)

And when I do go to bed I probably wont be able to sleep. *sigh*

I'm sorry, I know I'm whining. Its late. I need sleep.

Oo, another question for you my dear readers (all 3 of you im sure....). Well, I'm supposed to be going to a ball tomorrow night. End of OSCE's and all that. Now I'm not usually the ball going type. I was coerced into going to my debs (complete DISASTER), and I've avoided them like the plague ever since. But hey I thought, I like it here, everyone says they are going, it might be fun (and they are going to have a chocolate fountain).
And now, all of my good friends here are not going (never got round to getting tickets). And I'm getting anxious. All that social pressure. Having to dress up, worrying about how I look, who I'm going to talk to, how can I dance in a ballgown, having to eat in front of near strangers (personal neurosis, don't ask), and the fact that I am exhausted and just really really want to sleep....and sleep and sleep.......

Should I sell my ticket? Or should I swallow my fears and brave it?

What do I do what do I do????

*panics*

I need answers, and fast.

Thank you.

One down....

2008-01-24T13:47:00.000Z

SSS is over. Went fine, except that NONE of my videos would play. Not one. So, that kinda sucked. Oh well.....

OSCE's tomorrow, and I still have 4 patients to write up.....blargh. Still, it should be ok. Our stations are:

1. Urinalysis and handwashing
2. Mini-consultation
3. CPR
4. Patient write ups (probably the only remotely hard one)
5. TPR
6. Blood pressure.

As long as I get my write ups done, and I don't do something spectacularly stupid, there is no reason to fail. I mean, handwashing.......c'mon...

Ewy.....

2008-01-22T14:41:00.000Z

Something in my room smells like dog shit.

And I cannot find it. I have turned the place upside down.

And no one else can smell it.....maybe I'm just going insane?

FIFI

2008-01-19T12:18:00.000Z

So, for my "student selected studies" this semester, I chose the sociology domain. And as my subject area "body and personhood". And as my presentation "How do new bodily norms create new disorders?"

Wow. I have learnt so much, and it has changed my perspective on so many things. I focussed mainly on eating disorders anorexia/bulimia and obesity.

One of the books I read doing my research was "Unbearable Weight" by Susan Bordo. Its absolutely fascinating. READ IT.

My other favourite is Susie Orbach's "Fat is a Feminist Issue". Ok, now anyone who hasn't heard of it, please don't groan roll your eyes and go "ugh, bloody man-hating, bra-burning feminists" This book is not about feminism per se. And anyway, why has feminism become such a dirty word? It doesn't MEAN hating men, it doesn't mean being extremist. But anyway, thats for another post.

If you are a woman, you probably have body issues. Specifically you probably want to lose weight. Ever been on a diet? Ever failed? I know I have.
Do you yo-yo with your weight?
"Do you eat when you are not physically hungry?
Do you feel out of control around food, submerged either by dieting or gorging?
Do you spend a good deal of time thinking and worrying about food and fatness?
Do you scour the latest diet for vital information?
Do you feel awful about yourself as someone who is out of control?
Do you feel awful about your body?"

(All taken from FIFI)

Ok, so now you are rolling your eyes saying, "great, ANOTHER diet book telling us how if we eat such and such and do this and that we won't ever want a 'bad' food again and we will become stick like goddesses."

Nope. Thats not what FIFI is about. Its not about dieting, its not about getting thin. And it might show you things about yourself that you were never even aware of, things that have been seriously messing with your head.

So anyway, my message to all woman, is GO AND BUY THIS BOOK. It will change your mind. And then maybe, you can change your life......

And if you use the link to the book depository, you get free delivery!

please, do this.

And tell everyone you know.

Oh and Unbearable Weight is pretty fascinating too. Get it for good measure ;)

Off again..

2008-01-13T10:40:00.000Z

Apologies for the hiatus.

So, heading back to En-ger-land this afternoon! Feeling kinda weird....... Probably because I'm super behind on my study and am completely freaked out by how little work I've managed to do in a month.

Hospital work was very cool though, and I did learn a lot (although only about cardiology which I don't do til 2nd year...oh well). Been meaning to write a post about that, the differences I've noticed between Irl and UK etc.. Maybe when I've done my 2000 word analytical review which is due for tuesday......SHIT SHIT AND SHIT!!!!!!!!

Right, gotta finish packing (I don't know if there's anything I hate more). My bag is already full, and I haven't packed ANY of my books (Kumar&Clark must weigh like 5 kilos on its own.....). Gotta tackle the handluggage.....

Wish me luck!

Wow

2008-01-02T20:22:00.000Z

Saw 2 angiograms and 3 transesophageal echograms....... Very cool. On the TOE's I saw 1 ?endocarditis with aortic valve stenosis, 1 patent foramen ovale (the bubble trick is BRILLIANT, will discuss again later), and 1 normal!

Going back tomorrow for more!

Pity we're not doing cardio 'til year 2......

It is obscenely early...

2008-01-02T07:18:00.000Z

For the Christmas Holidays, but I'm going to shadow a cardiologist today, so I guess that makes it ok....

:)

Woo!

Stupid Boy

2008-01-01T17:08:00.000Z

Came out of the blue to make me feel shitty again. On New Years. F**cker.

The worst part is that I still give a sh*t. I shouldn't.

Why. Can't. I. Just. Let. It. Go

My New Years Resolutions

2007-12-31T20:33:00.000Z

What a better way to make sure I keep them than to post them on the internet huh?

In the interests of keeping them, im going to make it a short list.

1. Start my Gold Presidents Award.
2. Study more, faff about less. That probably should read stay away from sidereel....
3. Try and become a more patient, tolerant person.
4. Don't take it personally when other people f**k up.

There we go.

I might amend this. Feel free to poke me if I'm slipping!

Thin

2007-12-31T17:30:00.000Z

Just watched this documentary. Fascinating look inside an eating disorder facility, something you would never get to see normally.

The one thing that suprised me was that the attitude of a lot of the health professionals working with these people. It was condescension, contempt and suspicion. And I think the reason is because ED makes people act in sneaky and deceitful ways. But you'd have thought that these professionals of all people would understand this, and be kind.

What are your thoughts? Are they right to treat the patients like delinquents? Is it just because I've never worked in this kind of situation and I don't understand how it really is?

And another thing that struck me was that a lot of the workers in the facility were obese.....

Revulsion

2007-12-30T21:56:00.000Z

Last night I was at a party with my mum, an adult party of friends of hers. I guess, 50-60 year olds.

Anyway, the evening wore on, and one man in particular got talking. He works for St.Vincent de Paul,(SVP) a charitable organisation here in Ireland that help out people when they are really in need. Bails people out when they can't go on, gives food vouchers to those who need them etc. etc. Lots of really good work.

But this man said some things that made my skin crawl. He started off
"I know we have many nations living here now, and lots of diversity, and thats fine, but there is one community that will never integrate here. And that is the African community"

He practically spat the words.

Hmm......... I'm thinking, how many integrated Poles (and theres 250,000 of them here, with our whole population being only about 4 million) do you see? I suppose their fantastic integration abilities are the reason that everywhere you go you see signs written in Polish? Or the Chinese community, another fantastic example of integration, hah! And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that its particularly their fault because of their racial background or whatever, but its not like they are really any better at it than the African community (and come to think of it, I actually know quite a few Africans, but I don't know any Polish or any Chinese). So whats his point? Well, it pretty quickly became quite clear that its because they're "blacks".

He told a story, about an African immigrant whose husband had left her and the kids high and dry, who was really struggling.

"And, don't get me wrong, she was a very nice lady, very nice, and quite attractive in her own way, for that type, except that there is the smell of course.......Anyway, she came to me and asked for money to pay for her child's pre-school. Well, I thought, really why did she need to send the child to pre-school, but she was a nice lady and she was asking me so we agreed that SVP would pay half, and she would pay half as long as she brought a receipt and showed us. So she did, but THEN.....then I found out later that it was FALSE. And the child had never been to play school at all!!! Because the play school that the receipt was from had shut down two years before, and someone had signed the receipt for her. Well I thought, thats the last time I'm taken in by a black!"

Now, obviously what the woman did was wrong, but a few people pointed out certain things.
Did this gentleman not feel that the Irish person who signed the false receipt was partly to blame in the whole thing?

"No! No, the white (yes he actually made a point of highlighting the whiteness, unprompted) who signed the receipt was not to blame, because it was her, it was her who decided to scam us."
And would you have given her the money (only 200euros, not the end of the world) if she had told you she needed it for something else?

"No. Absolutely not."
So this woman, being in a pretty tight spot, did something dishonest to get her family out of trouble, because she knew that that was the only way that she could get that money. Fair enough, it was wrong, but it wasn't the worst in the world.

And I can understand why he was annoyed; he gives up his time to give wisely the money that has been donated, and then his trust was abused. That would make anyone angry.

But I got the distinct impression that it wasn't this that really got him. There were other stories he told, such as about Irish Travellers(white as the driven snow!) who had abused the SVP, and he never seemed quite as annoyed about those. No, it was because this woman was black, and in his eyes he had been done by an inferior who should have been grateful that they would even offer charity at all to her "kind"! In fact, he made a point of telling another story about another "black" that annoyed him, just to drive it home.

And so many Irish people think like this. This is one of the things I hate about here.

I thought I was going to have to leave, I felt so sickened. Complete and utter revulsion for everything that p***k shited on about.

But hey, I've been well brought up, one doesn't make a scene in polite company.

I wonder though, what he would think if he met someone like the girl on the right in this photo.

To clarify on stupidity

2007-12-23T21:15:00.000Z

Wow, Im impressed by the number of people commenting on the visa-marriage!
To clear things up, love does not come into this. Which my friend sees as a plus. She says she would never get married because she was madly in love with someone (and she has a point, rushed head-over-heels marriages usually go wrong too). But doing the immigrant "a favour" by contracting herself to him is ok. I don't know, maybe shes right because she isn't under any illusion that its going to be happily ever after, but she thinks that she KNOWS him well enough that she is SURE he won't ever try and screw her over. I don't know...even after years you can think you know someone and be proven wrong. So after two months, is it a good idea? I think I'm going to have to give up on this one, because it will like Ellisa said drive her away; we already fought today because I think she is being unbelievably stupid. But arrrgh!!!! Its so frustrating. She's no better than a mail-order bride (and hey, they usually have good reason to do it, like poverty or chance-of-a-better-life or something).

Ugh, whatever. If she insists on making her bed this way then she's just gonna have to lie in it.

White Christmas

2007-12-23T15:36:00.000Z

Which is never gonna happen in grey and dreary Irl, but this is well cute!

Let me be more specific

2007-12-23T15:23:00.000Z

Since you've all been so kind as to advise me on my "Stupid" dilemma, I thought I'd give you a little more info.

Stupid, in my opinion, is deciding to MARRY an illegal immigrant that you've been in a non-serious relationship with for TWO MONTHS, so that they can get a VISA.

Stupid is also giving up the great job that you have to do this, and being only 20.

Am I right? Please tell me I'm right. And if I'm wrong, please give me a good reason why, because this is wrecking my head.

Happy Christmas everyone, and thank you for listening!

Stupid

2007-12-22T01:19:00.001Z

So, if someone you care about a lot is, in your opinion, doing something incredibly stupid, do you

a) Support them in their decision because they are your friend.

b) Wash your hands of it because you tried telling them what a fool they are being and they wont listen.

Answers on a postcard. Please.

Land of a hundred thousand welcomes

2007-12-20T22:41:00.000Z

'Cos baby that's all we got.

I always feel funny about going/coming home. And I've done it a few times at this point. Even when I'm looking forward to it beforehand, everything changes once my journey is underway. I suppose its the love-hate relationship I have with Ireland. When I'm here, there are a multitude of things I loathe, everything frustrates and depresses me. I hate that I am associated with such shambles, and I long for escape.

When I'm away, it takes on a rosier glow. I notice all the things that I love and miss, I think wistfully about the things that just aren't the same anywhere else, I wear my Irish idiosyncrasies with pride, and look forward to coming home, if not eagerly, then not with dread.

I know I like my country better when I'm not in it. In know I like being a foreigner. I like that people can't put me in a box because they can't place my accent, or my way of doing things. I like being that little bit different. I like being able to distance myself from things by saying, "this isn't my country, thus it does not apply to me". I like the anonymity, the freedom of not being constrained by what your countrymen expect you to be because they know your parents, your class, what religion your family might be, where you went to school etc. etc. I like being able to forget the bad things about Ireland. I like to remember the good. I like to have national pride, something I'm not usually unduly keen on.

What do I hate about coming home? The reality of it all. How no matter how much you want it to be different it never is. You can never get out of the rut you have created for yourself; no one will ever let you. I hate the feeling of unreality, of distance, of "I shouldn't be here, I don't belong". I hate waking up in the mornings and wishing I was somewhere else.

Eventually of course it wears off, you resume your mechanations, and you forget how it feels to be somewhere else.

I was looking forward to coming home for Christmas. I think a 50:50 mix of reluctance and excitement. And its not so bad. But its always a let down isn't it? No matter how much you try to be realistic about your expectations, you always imagine it better. Just one other way your brain tries to screw you I suppose.

So I made it on to the plane, and it is a mercifully short hop across the water. I do love flying (not the lack of legroom, non-reclining seats, the other passengers, or the tedium of airports). I love the freedom, the beauty, the purity and endless possibility of being literally above it all. Is there anything more amazing than looking out across a rippling cloud, with the sun shooting golden and red sparks from a wing tip? Don't you love how its always sunny above the clouds? I like the way you feel as if you are nowhere. You are in limbo. You can't do anything, nobody expects you to, you have no place, you have nothing; such an immense freedom.
And then, the plane drops a little, grey fuzz obscures your view, and the sun is lost. Below you, out of the gloom, the malevolent little island appears, its darkness pulling you, beckoning you to its despair. It lies waiting, bleak and hopeless as your little craft which moments ago had been so full of light and possibility is sucked ever downwards.

The sky is grey, as usual, and a light drizzle is falling. The captain announces the temperature, always something grim. You trudge across the sodden tarmac and into the bright and hideous building. You are taken aback by the sheer overwhelming ugliness of it all. Eventually the airport disgorges you, and you wait......wait....to go home.

And home feels odd...it doesn't fit. You feel awkward, clunky with the people; square peg round hole.

But after a while your corners soften, you suck it up and get on with it. And really, its not so bad. Its just the agony of "coming home". And you know you will do it again. And you know you will forget until you are reminded.

But I want this one for posterity.

Fat=Good?

2007-12-20T14:04:00.001Z

This is fascinating.

My first pair of pilfered scrubs...

2007-12-16T09:00:00.001Z

How happy am I? Got to see surgery twice!!!!! And I loved it. Especially wearing scrubs.. Except they call them "theatre greens".....And now they're mine.....MINE!!!!

Ok, enough crazy.

Going home today, eek! More update later...

Worst blogger EVER.

2007-12-12T00:43:00.000Z

That would be me then.

I don't know why I haven't posted, I have so many things I want to say.

Anyway, nearly finished my first semester at med school, I can hardly believe it!! Going home to the aul emerald isle on Sunday......so weird, going home after so long, having adopted here as my new life.....

Can't wait to see my cat though.....any my family of course.... ;)

Happy holidays to everyone who is finishing term!

World AIDS Day

2007-12-01T11:49:00.000Z

Saw this, thought is was pretty powerful.

I'm bald

2007-11-10T19:29:00.000Z

Went to a hairdresser where you can get a fantastically cheap haircut today. Only cost me £10. But I don't have a lot of hair left.......

On the other hand, this was the first time I've been to the hairdresser and not nearly cried because of the torture. I can't normally stand the way they yank your hair constantly, or the pain of those washing basins on the back of your neck, or the trauma of getting a blow-dry.......I know, I'm a wuss, but really, it HURTS me!!!!!

But in this place, they had soft neck-thingys on the washbasins, the wash was so relaxing I nearly fell asleep, and the blow-dry didn't make my eyes water at all!

But I think me being so relaxed and happy might be why I didn't notice how much hair was getting cut off.

Oh well, I guess this way it'll last longer...

Consultation skills

2007-11-10T15:17:00.000Z

This week we had another round of consultation skills. We have it about three times a semester I think, and we've been building up our history taking etc. gradually. This weeks' title was "dealing with emotions and feelings in the structured consultation" or something like that.

Woopee I thought. After the last dire 4hour session, I was NOT looking forward to this. But, I was hoping that it would be useful in dealing with patients, as there had been a few sessions in Primary Care where we had sensed that there were emotional issues under the surface, but too afraid of a meltdown to go near them.

What I was not expecting was the harrowing, draining barrel of emotional turmoil (tears n'all!) that we got. And I mean from us, not the "patient".

For our consultation skills classes we have our PBL group, one or two tutors and an actor who plays out the role of different patients.

We had had a lecture earlier in the week on dealing with emotions. Here they stressed to us the importance of being empathetic, but not necessarily sympathetic. Now I do understand the difference, and I do know why it is important. One of the tutors gave us a nice little picture to illustrate it. She said "imagine you are at the top of a cliff and there is someone stuck at the bottom in great distress. Sympathy is climbing down to comfort them, but not bringing anything with you to get you both back out. Empathy is recognising the problem and the distress, and going off to get a rope to pull them up with." which I though was pretty neat. But my issue is this: is it really possible, as a feeling human being, to deeply empathise with someone and feel nothing? Is it just a question of time and experience that will teach us to see pain but distance ourselves from it? Another thing that confused me was that they said it is possible to learn to be empathetic, that you can know what to say and do with someone to appear empathetic, but not to fake empathy because the patient will always know! Now what's the difference between using formulaic empathy and faking empathy? Not much as I see it. Anyway, there wasn't much problem with a lack of empathy in our class, but probably an excess of sympathy....

The scenarios that the actor played out were all very sad. The kind of awful upsetting things that happen every day, and that you as a doctor, or anyone, can do nothing about. I know that they say just turning an ear can be enough, but don't you hate that feeling of desperately wanting to make it better, to do something, to fix the pain, and not being able to? And for some reason it all felt completely real. Initially I thought I was just being "sensitive", but when I talked to the group a lot of others felt the same. I wasn't the only one who welled up.

The other thing that was a little distressing was that 2 of the scenarios played out almost exactly what had happened to 2 people in our group. It wasn't something I expected, but it made it extremely difficult to be "professional" and distance yourself emotionally when what the patient is saying keeps giving you flashes of your own past. But strangely enough, I found it was easier to be in the position of "Dr." and directly involved in the consultation than it was to watch someone else. I guess the latter was a little bit like a sad film.

Afterwards, I felt drained, flattened, worn out the the way you do when you have cried until your eyes are raw. But I was glad we had done it, because I now feel much more able to deal with any emotional situations that might arise in consultations. Before there was a terrible fear of the unknown; of being unprofessional, of saying the wrong thing, letting the patient down. I guess its one of those "fear of the unknown" things; its never as bad as you imagine it.

Man alive, what am I going to be like when we do our "breaking bad news" class?????

Feeling sorry for myself...

2007-11-08T16:20:00.000Z

The sciatica is back. With a vengeance. Just when I thought it was all safe to be normal again..

Story goes, I come off the dicofenac, the pain comes back! But wait, there's more! I have NEW symptoms! Hooray! Lovely stabbing pain in my calf, and a delightfully painful numbness and tingling in my foot.

So I made a desperate trip to the on-the day Dr, who luckily happened to be the same one as I saw before. I'm back on the diclofenac, and I've got to see her in a week to check my progression and if necessary discuss referral. yay! Although, I have to say, despite my moaning, I am blessed to be able to use the NHS. Free Dr appointments, almost free prescriptions, being able to see a dr on the day, its AMAZING. Ye who complain, come to Ireland.

Right, sorry for the bitch, I needed it.

Oh the shame.....

2007-11-07T10:54:00.000Z

So the thing I was dreading happened. I got woozy in the anatomy room and had to leave and take a sit down.

Now, considering I did a whole year of vet anatomy, and didn't have a single pre-syncopal episode the entire time, i don't really get why this happened.

Theory number one is the standing got me.....but we had to stand in vet for hours too...

Theory number two is low blood sugar.....but I'd had breakfast.

Theory number three (and this is the one I sorta think might actually apply) is that I have a huge mental problem with anatomy rooms following veterinary. Towards the end of last year, if found it really hard to make myself go to anatomy. Instead of getting used to it over time, I was fine to begin with, and then after the months and months of stinky stinky dead things, I just couldn't stand it any more!!!! The smell would just make me want to throw up. And it was also incredibly dull....

So I was kinda dreading today...

Could it be that I was just freaked out by the dead bits? I don't know. I wasn't consciously freaked out. I'm looking at the shrivelled yellow arm and going "woopee, here we go again" in my head and the next thing I've got that all-the-blood-is-leaving-my-face feeling.

Either way, I'm THAT girl now......great.

All I want for Christmas....

2007-11-05T22:43:00.000Z

Is this.
Just look at the beauty of that 3d pelvis!!!

And I'm kinda annoyed that my Uni doesn't provide it, because I've used the free trial, and its AMAZING. And other Uni's do (ahem, Peninsula, ahem) Oh well, its only 155eur, looks like I might have to go back to the 'ol job...

On another note, I am very excited about the possibility of seeing Vieux Farka Toure in London.....if I can get a ticket.

Fingers crossed!

Update

2007-10-28T20:59:00.001Z

Thanks for all the comments on my sciatica post, the good news its much better. The bad news is it hasn't completely gone away and I'm terrified of doing anything in case I make it worse. As I have no idea what caused it in the first place, I can't really rule anything out. Anyway, I'll keep on the diclofenac for the month and pester the GP then if it isn't gone. The plus side I suppose is that the diclofenac is making my knees feel fantastic!

Medicine wise, I have been spectacularly unproductive. I had so many plans for a weeks end of review and revision, and cracking into some anatomy, but somehow it never happened. I blame sidereel.com and my addiction to Desperate Housewives.... I think maybe I'm like Cal in that I need to be under pressure to be efficient. If I don't have loads to do I just mess about.
Also, this weeks objectives in PBL were pretty wishy-washy even by my standards. Hard to get motivated about. . So here's hoping next week is more exciting! Although, by the look of the timetable, I doubt it.

My mum was here for the bones of a week, and actually despite my worries it went really well. I think Lis was right, moving out is the best thing you can do to improve your relationship with your mother. You appreciate each other so much more. It makes me miss home when things are good between us. Well, i guess Christmas will tell. Which is actually starting to get really close (although not so close that we need to see Christmas food in the shops, take note Mr. Marks and Spencers). How can I have been here so long already? I definitely need to get more productive.

Did anyone else see that article in the Sunday Times Magazine today about the school in the US which treats behavioural disorders (anything from severely autistic children to juvenile delinquents) by hooking them up to electrodes and a battery pack 24 hours a day and shocking them whenever they are "bold"? It was unbelievable, and horrifying, and I just couldn't understand why this institution hasn't been shut down!!!! And, they offer NO psychiatric treatment, just a punishment/reward treatment. Crazy.

This week in primary care I saw a 14yr old with diabetes. Onset of 3yrs. They were amazing because they were so ok with the whole thing. If I was diagnosed with diabetes I would completely freak out, and stress about managing it the whole time. But the patient was really relaxed, had good glucose control, and didn't seem to have any problems with fitting it into her social life. That said, the mother was in the room and did most of the talking. I wonder if she would have said anyting different had she not been there.

In contrast, another one of our group saw a girl of 12, also diabetic (diagnosed at 3yrs), who had a very different outlook on the whole thing. She was very upset about it, had no confidence in her future, didn't think she would ever be able to leave home, get a job, go to university etc. The mother was also stressed out. She didn't seem to be letting the child out of her sight, and was pretty paranoid about the whole thing. But maybe that comes from having to deal with it for so much longer. It obviously wasn't nice when she had to hold her child down to inject it repeatedly each day for so long.

Two very different patients with the same disease. Which I suppose is supposed to get us thinking about disease vs. illness (if we haven't enough already). For anyone who doesn't know, disease is what the patient gets, but illness is how they experience that disease and how it affects their life. Which our medical school are very keen that we think about. A lot. But its probably a good thing, because all doctors start out wanting to always see the patiet and their illness, but so many end up just seeing the disease. Maybe all this focus on it will help protect us? I hope so.

__________________________________

My parents brought me up on a diet of classical music, but as I grew older I naturally drifted into other genres. But from time to time I find myself returning to it. Which is what happened today when I stumbled upon Classic FM. It also helps that what is playing right now is the top 100 most relaxing classics, and not full on opera (which I can't stand). Drift on......

Other fantastically exciting news from my part of the world: I made my second lentil lasagne in the slow cooker, and it was again delicious! If only I hadn't eaten the whole thing..... And coming up soon, stewed apple (with apples that my mummy brought me from the garden)! T'is the season after all, right? I really don't want to do all that peeling though....

Well, think that's my update for the moment, a suitably random and not very exciting post. I'm working on other ideas, I promise!

See you soon!

This sucks.

2007-10-19T19:22:00.000+01:00

I have sciatica. It hurts. Really, really hurts. Especially when I sit. Which kinda sucks for lectures/seminars/PBL/studying.....i.e everything medicine related. And the painkillers don't work. So I'm feeling generally moany and grumpy. Apologies. I needed to share.

Excitement

2007-10-14T21:54:00.000+01:00

Lis is coming to visit me!!!!! Wooooohooooo!!!!!

Thursday, 11th October 2007

2007-10-11T22:11:00.000+01:00

Because I can't think of a better title.

I like this university. That is such a strange thing for me to say, I almost can't believe I've said it. But I've said it to several people. So it must be true.

PBL is good, I think we are ironing out the wrinkles. Sometimes I do think that people are not using the best sources (Wikipedia is fine to satisfy your curiosity, but please don't quote it as a reference), but at least its not too important yet. And my own work is hardly the most astoundingly brilliant stuff.

IPL is a bit more tricky, namely because we're not really sure what the hell we're actually meant to be doing; its all a bit vague. Could somebody give us a big shove in the right direction? Please? We don't quite look like the perfect MDT below.....

Primary care is brilliant, I love it! Its so amazingly different to be sitting on the other side of the door,actually being in the consults. I'm surprised at how happy patients seem to be for medical students to be in the room. I don't think I would like it, but maybe I'm just sensitive. And I HATE going to the doctor, so it kinda figures. They (patients) just completely ignore us and seem totally uninhibited by our presence; thank you patients.

The other thing we do is interview patients in pairs. As we obviously don't have any clinical skills, our "examinations" go as far as talking to them. Despite being told in consultation skills that if we just sat back and listened that the patients would tell us everything, I didn't quite believe it. Well, its true. You can't actually get a question in with some of them! Which is fantastic, because awkward silences suck, and they really presume we know what we're doing, which we really, really don't.

Its interesting to see how other students talk to patients. Some of them seem quite insensitive, and not able to read the situation very well. I was a little embarrassed when my colleague asked a quite blunt question about socio-economic status that didn't really seem relevant or necessary. But I guess we're all learning, and I'm no saint myself. How do you teach yourself to eh stop um going eh.....um.... all the time? In my opinion, people who don't do it are amazing. Tips please!

Sometimes I'm surprised about the things that med students don't know. (Please don't think I'm being arrogant) One thing that shocked (and kinda horrified me to tell you the truth) was that during a lecture on cultural and ethnic differences and the issues that raises with pregnant women was that only about 5 people in a room of 30 knew what Female Genital Mutilation/Female Circumcision was. I would have thought that it would be something that medical students are aware of, especially because its the kind of "hot topic" that people read up on for interviews.

But I've noticed a lot of people don't seem to have a very culturally/ethnically broad "world perspective" of medicine and patients; maybe they think it doesn't matter if they want to practise solely in Britain's NHS (considering the amount of immigrants in the UK though this does seem a little short-sighted). And indeed, all our training is about preparing us to work in the NHS. Sometimes I find this annoying because I have noticed quite a few differences even between England and Ireland, so outside of Western Europe the odds are there are going to be even more. Do we have to be trained only to become "NHS Doctors"? Can't we be trained to be Doctors who are competent at working in the NHS? And yes, I know that it is the British taxpayer who is providing my medical education so maybe I should just shut up and be thankful, but all the same......

Haven't had any "special" cases yet, but at this young and naive stage of my life every patient is fascinating. I hope I won't lose that interest.

The doctors we are working with are very very good at what they do. I don't mean their diagnoses/treatment, because I can't really tell yet (but judging by the high standards they have in everything else, it can't be too bad), but they are so good at listening to what the patient is actually telling them and giving clear advice and good reassurance. I have never been a patient of doctors that acted like this. I very much want to be like them, and am so thankful for the opportunity to get to work with them.

Private Practice

2007-10-03T11:25:00.000+01:00

Sucks! Its a far cry from Grey's. And we all know, Grey's isn't exactly the most factually-based medically accurate show out there. But Private Practice just takes silliness to a whole new level. Addison has completely lost her hard-ass surgeon role, and gone all fluffy round the edges. And doing a c-section out of theatre with acupuncture as anaesthetic? In L.A? C'mon producers, how stupid do you think we are?

That said, I'm sure I will be following the series avidly, I can't resist a medical soap, no matter how dumb.

I think....

2007-09-30T20:58:00.000+01:00

That someone is tap-dancing on my ceiling...... That's what it sounds like anyway....

Things are good.

2007-09-29T15:39:00.000+01:00

Not my usual tone of title but that's how I feel!
I've managed to get over my induction week freak-out (haha, they were just trying to scare us), and I'm feeling well settled in.

We had our first PBL case this week and I think it went pretty well. I definitely haven't done enough study from it, but, hopefully, I will, and apart from that the seminars and wrap-up and all that stuff went fine which suits me just dandy!

A lot of people are complaining that the course isn't challenging enough, and it is a well known fact (the course directors even spelled it out) that our first semester isn't exactly open-heart-surgery stimulating kind of stuff... But, having been through part of a course where I was completely shattered from the workload of the first semester, I am ok with this. I know it will get a lot harder ( and only after Christmas, come on people, its hardly 3months!) soon enough. And I think its good that we get to grips with how this course is structured before the work piles on.

Had "consultation skills" this week. Now I know a lot of med students and doctors bitch about these classes because they think its all too touchy-feely, namby-pamby and completely pointless in the practice of clinical medicine. Well, I don't think it is. Ok, some of the stuff does seem silly (there is an awful lot of "how does that make you feel?", and personally, if a Dr asked me what I "was hoping to get out of the consultation today" I would have a very low opinion of their competence). But on the whole I think its a really good thing. And the weird thing is (even though the interview process was supposed to weed these ones out) you can already see who are going to be the hard ass "people-are-diseases-so-treat-them-that-way" kind of doctors. And I think consult skills will do them a lot of good. And they do teach you some useful stuff that will really make it easier for us I think. So, so far so good. Plus, roleplay is all about the acting which I LOVE!!!

Not so excited about having to read scientific papers, but oh well I suppose its good to get us started young......

And next week, I get to go and poke real live people......woot!

Possibly the best thing about this uni though is the fact that it has an olympic size swimming pool. Swimming makes me happy. And I just went this afternoon, which possibly accounts for my overly cheery & optimistic tone.

Watch this space for a return to form....

London Baby!!!

2007-09-20T23:54:00.000+01:00

I have the whole day free tomorrow, so I am going to take advantage of this and head down to the bright lights to see V, who I miss terribly!!!

And maybe even....oh the excitement.......ROLLER DISCO!!!!!

I don't think I'll be looking quite like the above though.

Fingers x'd!

Daunted

2007-09-19T17:16:00.000+01:00

Well, after one thing or another I am arrived! Have nearly done my first week at med school....

How was it for me? Well... SO much stuff has been difficult and awkward and frustrating, namely;

Trying to get a bank account if your not English is an extremely lengthy and fussy process.

Trying to get a mobile phone if you don't have a bank account is impossible.

Paying accomodation fees is impossible if you don't have a bank account.

Registering for anything is more difficult if you don't have a mobile phone.

Connecting to the internet in my room was a NIGHTMARE.

Buying train tickets online is flat out IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!

None of this stuff has put me in a good mood. And this week has been super dull 'cos its all intro lectures. But hopefully, (PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE) things will improve next week when things get going for real.

I guess whats really bothering me (and making me so damn whiny) is that I hate going through all that not-knowing-anyone-well phase. Its makes you feel very lonely in the acres of free time that you have... But I know this has to be gone through, and I will get over it very soon. Its just getting there.....

I have to say everyone on the course seems very friendly. I have a few friends...Mostly graduates, as being somewhere between school leaver and graduate I think I fit in with them better. I hope this all gets easier soon! But as they say, life isn't easy.

The course seems well structured, but its going to take a bit of getting used to the PBL-based format (which obviously I chose for a reason, but after my bad experiences in Vet I've been a bit put off)

The older years say our first year is basically a bit wishy-washy and crap, but I think (hope) thats what you realise when you go on to the more complex/stimulating material in higher years.

We've been given an absolutely enormous "registration pack" containing a daunting amount of information, the focus of which is mostly "standards of professional behaviour", "fitness to practice", "how not to get sued/thrown out of med school", "don't f**k up or we'll kill you" and last but not least "YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES, YOU ARE NOW A HEALTH PROFESSIONAL, NEVER FORGET THIS".

I think I'm just feeling a little daunted by the whole thing. I wasn't expecting to, after having tried so hard to get here, and thought it all through, and been so excited and looked forward to it for so long....and now I just feel nervous and uncertain. The way ahead seems too steep and arduous, the pressures and responsibilities too great, the workload too heavy. Even though I knew this is what medicine is, even though I thought I was, somehow, despite everything, I don't feel ready.

Today's the day..

2007-09-14T09:10:00.000+01:00

The teddy bears have their pic-nic.....

No, sorry, its actually the day I move into my room. Getting well nervous now. Have been round to the Uni to try and open a bank account etc., I still don't really think I'm staying. I feel like I'm on holidays. Unfortunately, the holidays are over for a very long time now.....

Panic

2007-09-09T22:01:00.000+01:00

Its 10pm. I have to get up at 5am..... And I'm still packing

SH**T!!!!!!!

Oh man oh man oh man oh man...........

Dear Lord WHY am I on the internet??? This is soo not helping!!

Packing

2007-09-08T23:26:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow we load the car... I seem to have a ridiculous amount of stuff. Have said a few goodbyes now and am starting to get sad. I know I'm not going very far away, and I do love travelling and have never been homesick before, but this feels different. Probably because I'm going to do my degree which = stress, and because its more or less 7 years.......

Pic is just a few of my boxes.

I think its finally sunk in that I'm leaving.....eek!

Balance

2007-09-04T18:16:00.000+01:00

This is a post that I have wanted to write for a long time, but as soon as I start to think about it the arguments go around and around in my head and I give up on the idea!

Basically I want to talk about body weight. Over, and under, the two sides of the coin (and the debate).

As a young female, I would have to admit that weight, body size and shape are topics that are often not far from my mind. I stress over being "fat" frequently, have a horror of changing room mirrors and exposing my flesh. I know I am not alone in this, I know plenty of girls (and women) who do the same. But it still wrecks my head, because I don't think it should be this way, and with a BMI of 23, I know that it shouldn't be this way.

Then we have the other problem, obesity is on the rise (I even posted about it), and all the things that come with it (diabetes, heart disease; we all know what they are!) It is a fact that more of us are overweight than underweight. Walk down any street in Ireland and I am sure that you will see more people that you would grade as "fat" in your mind, than as "healthy".

So where is the balance? On the one hand we (women mostly I think, and please acknowledge that I am generalising hugely and that not everyone will agree) have this huge media and social pressure to be thin. There is a constant projection of thin =successful, thin=attractive, & thin=healthy around us, and so in our minds, thin=enviable,thin= desirable, thin =what we want to be. Remember girls, you can never be too rich or too thin. I say that not without a certain amount of bitterness.

I hate that I get upset about my figure, I hate the way I feel I would be better if I were thinner, I hate always feeling self-conscious about my body, I hate the way I dream up crazy weight-loss schemes in my head, I hate that I am jealous of friends who are slimmer than me, and worst of all I hate that fact that I am supposed to be beyond all this. Especially because going into health sciences, and being very aware of what constitutes "healthy", and having worked in countries where being thin meant that you were poor and/or ill, where food was so precious, having cared for a child who was so malnourished that their skin was peeling off, having seen real hunger.......... I really should know better.

Two close friends of mine have battled with eating disorders, one of them had to be hospitalised. I doubt either of them even now having "overcome" will ever have a good mentality about food and bodyweight. They are both intelligent, together girls from good homes, who are going on to pursue high-flying careers. I know of maybe two or three others who were in my year at school. So how many out of the general population are suffering, tormented?

Recently I read an article on BBC about "pro-ana" and "pro-mia" groups on myspace and other networking sites where girls egged each other on to get thinner and thinner. Surely it couldn't be true could it? Being a member of MySpace I did a search there. What I found made me absolutely sick. It was all true and some of it was literally unbelievable. How could people think these things?? Almost all had warning labels along the lines of "If you are not serious about ana (anorexia) or are just going to disapprove, you may not join. Ana is a lifestyle choice not an illness" This was on one of the girls pages. Supposedly "thinspiration". Underneath it a girl had written "I love this vid...thanks for all the help!"
More thinpriation =)
Add to My Profile | More Videos

How could you look at these pictures and see perfection not illness. This video makes me really sad, and deeply uneasy. Check out this girls profile if you really want to feel queasy.

And then there's the other side of the coin. The fact that we are facing an obesity epidemic. Fact: Nearly two thirds of men and half of women in the UK are either overweight or obese. And that isn't good either is it? Officially there are 1bn overweight people in the world. At the same time as having fashion and the media push the thin is beautiful image at us, we have food and drinks companies pushing the "eat eat eat" idea at us. How many times have chocolate bar companies used the "go on, you deserve it" line to push high-calorie, nutritionally empty products at us?

Below the Mars Delight, specifically marketed to women, and containing 22okcals and 14g of fat.

Is it any surprise that people are ending up like this?

My question is where is the balance? How do we find a healthy middle ground? What is the future going to be? I cannot clear this subject in my own mind.

Love is wicked....

2007-09-04T18:09:00.000+01:00

LOVE this song! (Courtesy of V) Diwali rhythm kills every time. And the dancers in the vid are amazing. (Vid is v sexy, if you are prudish don't watch!!)

Hmm.....

2007-08-31T20:31:00.001+01:00

You Are: 50% Dog, 50% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog.
You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.
And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

Are You More Cat or Dog?

Emotional

2007-08-31T20:09:00.000+01:00

Last day was very sad. I got a beautiful pair of Swarovski crystal earrings and the sweetest card from everyone!

I wasn't expecting anything at all...so touched. All the doctors wished me the best, and there was lots of hugs from the secs. Oh, I hate goodbyes!

Wooooooooooo!!!!!

2007-08-31T08:57:00.001+01:00

Today is my last day of work. Have to take a trip to the orthodontist, and then I'm in for a half day! I'm actually a little sad in some ways.. I'll miss the girls. But man alive I won't miss the smears!

Medicine is getting very close.

Got allocated my room yesterday, it would be the other side of campus to my faculty of course! Ah well, its still really nice. And omg, I can't believe this, but they have cleaners for the rooms!!! That's crazy! I feel so spoiled.

Oh my days......

2007-08-27T22:32:00.000+01:00

This is horrifying.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6965412.stm

Some news

2007-08-23T19:56:00.000+01:00

First I would like to say thank you thank you thank you!!! To all the people who commented on my last post, it really does mean a lot. I'm glad to say I think things are working out. At least I hope so. I think sometimes shouting can be very cathartic..........

Not much else going on with me, countdown 2 weeks till I leave!!! Eek! And even better one week and one day till I finish work!!!! Can't wait! This week has been awful. Just as I thought I was getting really good at my job, I seem to regress back to the state of incompetent nicompoop par extroadinaire. So I'm glad the week is nearly over. It seems like I couldn't get anything right this week, even the charts hated me. Hmm....I wonder what effect positive thinking has on these kind of situations!

I think I accidentally called someone who wasn't actually pregnant pregnant today.....yikes. Note, in future, don't ask if its the maternity benefit form they have with them before they tell me what the form actually is.

Other things to write about, but feeling rather on the sleepy side o things, so I think I will head for bed! Goodnight to you all, wherever you are!