D

Stands for distinction at my uni.


I got one.

So in shock.

And so relieved.

Thank you so much to all those who sent good vibes and wishes, means a lot!

Tick tock

4 1/2 hours till results.


Watching the clock.

One more day

Dear lord this week has dragged.

Exam results tomorrow, but not until after 4pm. Could they make it any worse!!!!

Really really worried. Was talking to a friend who just graduated, and he was saying one year he failed by a mark. One mark. How ridiculous is that? Other exams I've done before, they don't let it be that close. And it makes me think about my paper in my head. How many points did I leave out? How many one mark's did I lose? And the pass mark is flexible, so it could be as high as 50%. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Cat is wheezing again. I'm concerned. Wondering if I should try Grandmothers inhaler on her.....

Idiot

So, I'm supposed to be going to Zambia in a months time.

For malaria prophylaxis I'm taking doxycyline. Got my prescription, went to the pharmacy, got the pills.

Get home to Ireland and take them out of my bag. Look at the boxes. Prescription sticker says 16 caps per box. Box says 8 caps.

I only have 1/2 the amount I need. See below very crappy photo of prescription sticker. You can see it says "16 Doxycycline....."


And here, is a pic of the box

Kinda obvious right?

Stupid stupid pharmacist!!!!!! Arrrrrgh. And now I'm stuck, because I'm not in England, and I can't get to the pharmacy to get what I was prescribed for.

Its a teeny tiny pharmacy, they aren't exactly run off their feet, how hard would it have been to check they'd given me the right drug.

Just really really wished I'd checked while I was there. But you don't expect this to happen.

Grrrr.

Nightmares

I keep dreaming that I get my exam results and I've failed. Its horrible.

If I do fail I don't know what I will do. My ticket for Zambia is bought, everything is planned.

I knew when planning this trip that it was a risk I had to take. But its so much more scary now that results are in 4 days.


So I'm home again, and catching up on my sleep. The crap thing is that the weather here is cold and wet, and my uni city is basking in the sun.......

Ugh, another reason I really really need to go to Zambia; I'm going to go insane if I don't get some sun this year.

4 days......count down. Is it ridiculous that I'm actually too scared to read my horoscope in the paper in case it bodes ill?

Send me good vibes please!

Really want to see this

Goodbyes

I hate them. Even when I know they're only for a short while.

It was so sad emptying my room and leaving. A slice of my life is over. I had some good times in my halls. So sad saying goodbye. Even though I know I'm going to see them all in September!

Packing is hell. It's hard to think of something I hate doing more. And unfortunately my bag is full and I haven't finished. Ugh, and then all those rules about handluggage make it really awkward.

I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. (At my house, have left campus, in case you are confused!) Not home yet.

At least I don't have to think about medicine. :)

The End.

I have finished my first year of medical school. It feels like aeons since it all began.

Had last OSCE today, went fine, a few boo boos, but nothing major.

And I've spent the afternoon emptying my room. It's been horrific. My little room that has been my home for the last 9 months looks so naked.

I'm sad. I always hate leaving, even if I've been looking forward to it.

Last heave of stuff tomorrow, and then its aeroplane time on Sat.

Can't believe its all over. Its been generally good.

Bring on second year!

I'm going to the pub.....

So close.....

Last OSCE tomorrow. I can't concentrate on revising, I have had enough!!!!!!

Written papers were a bit crap. Well, the EMQ's (the actual test of our medical knowledge) went fine, and I'm sure I passed, but the ANP (the stupid one with the notes) was a bit awful. Stuff came up we didn't have notes on, and the time pressure was intense. I just finished, but I'm really worried about failing. I just don't feel my answers were good enough. I feel sick when I think about it, I CAN'T fail!!!!!! We get our results on the 27th. One week. The other ridiculous thing my uni does is refuse to post major exam results on our internet accounts. They put them up on a noticeboard in the faculty. How considerate of them! Never mind very few people live locally and everyone will have been kicked out of accommodation by then. Or students like me who live in another country. It's f**king ridiculous.

Feeling twitchy and listening to Bloc Party. Can't settle down to revise patient cases. Ugh.

Just gotta get through today...

Tis the day

Got my exams this afternoon. Is it weird that I'm actually a little excited? Finally, finally we can get it over with! The weeks leading up to this have dragged on and on.

Supposed to be last minute revising, but not taking much in.

Lets hope it goes well!

Oo, and I'm loving 'Flakes' by the mystery jets. Check it out!

The sky is black

It looks a lot like the above, and perfectly reflects my mood.

Written papers the day after tomorrow, and then two more days til final OSCE, and then, finally, finally, I'll be finished!

I've got to the point where I just want it to be over.

I don't know if I've done enough revision, or if I've covered enough of the important topics. So I don't know how confident I should be about this exam. And as I said before, I can't afford to fail.

I wouldn't normally be so worried but the exams are a completely different format to anything I've done before.

The first part is an EMQ (extended-matching questions), which can be very difficult, as its not just a question of selecting the right answer, but the most appropriate answer. And from looking at the mock papers, sometimes its all a bit ambiguous. It wouldn't bother me if it was all medicine, but its the psychosocial crap, and the health economics, and the law that catch me out. I really, really don't give a sh*t about law. Maybe I should, but I don't.

The second part is an ANP, or Advanced Notice Paper, the concept of which seems to me completely ridiculous. We've been given 6 "scenarios" (e.g. Joe Smith is an x who fell and broke his leg. His mum is worried because of blah, and he has now contracted an infection, plus his granny has diabetes blah blah blah), 3 of which will come up in the exam and have questions based on them. But, we are allowed to bring notes into the exam. Sounds great? It's not. a) deciding what topics need to be covered is endless, as the scenarios are super broad. b) compiling the notes is a pain in the ass (already have over 100 pages) c) time is very tight in the exam and its going to be really hard to convert notes into answers d) if something comes up thats not in your notes, you could be in trouble e) this is not a test of our ability of knowledge, but merely a test of our indexing skills. And I think e) is what pisses me off the most. Seriously, WHAT is the point of an exam where you bring notes in?!?!?!?!

And, I've never done one before, so I don't know how it will go.

Other things that piss me off: structure of the NHS - again, I don't care!!!, the doctor-patient relationship (writing essay answers about it that is), the MDT - don't even get me started on the MDT. Do I really need to know how an OT does a home assessment in detail; isn't that the OT's job? Benefits - again, not my job, call up the DWP and ask them!!!! The sick role - sick to death of the biopsyhosocial crap in general. The list is pretty much a summary of everything I'm supposed to know from the first semester. WASTE OF TIME.

Ok, needed to get that out. Apologies for the bitch fest, but seriously, when it comes to exams, this university is f**king insane!!!!!

Just do it!

Can't motivate myself to study. I'm daydreaming about pretty much everything else under the sun except work.

Doesn't help that its 24degrees today and absolutely gorgeous, and I'm a complete sun worshipper.

Want to go outside!!!

Ugh.

The worst part is I really absolutely cannot afford to fail any of these exams. Two reasons; resits are when I'm in Zambia, and I'll lose my scholarship, which I really need.

Ok. Time to focus.

Half way

So the OSCE and my SSS presentation went fine, after all my worrying!

Now comes the worst part.....the written paper.

Too much to learn....too little time.....as usual. And its sunny, so all I'm thinking about is sunbathing!

This day two weeks I'll be home for the summer. Seems surreal to think about.

Right..... breakfast time.

Stress

It's begun


The fear. The terrible terrible fear of exams has set in. The dread. The despair. The feeling of nothing being enough.


I feel like I don't know anything - which is stupid because I know I do. There's plenty I don't know, but I haven't gone through the year without absorbing some stuff.

First OSCE tomorrow. It shouldn't be hard. Only 6 stations. I just keep thinking what if they ask this? or that? or go into detail on x y or z.

Eek.

K, gotta go and get back to it.

Progress...

A friend of mine did his last OSCE of med school today. Now, he will become a junior doctor, and begin his career.



I find it kind of scary. The thought of thatt eventually being me is daunting.

But, at the same time, I wish I was already there, and not about to go into the 2nd year of 5.

And as usual I'm massively behind on revision.

Still writing up my patient cases, and the OSCE is the day after tomorrow. It's not the last exam though!! Plenty more to go...

Ugh, I hate being at this point, where it's all about to begin. I just want to finish and go home!!!