Monday 31 December 2007

My New Years Resolutions


What a better way to make sure I keep them than to post them on the internet huh?

In the interests of keeping them, im going to make it a short list.

1. Start my Gold Presidents Award.
2. Study more, faff about less. That probably should read stay away from sidereel....
3. Try and become a more patient, tolerant person.
4. Don't take it personally when other people f**k up.


There we go.

I might amend this. Feel free to poke me if I'm slipping!

Thin

Just watched this documentary. Fascinating look inside an eating disorder facility, something you would never get to see normally.

The one thing that suprised me was that the attitude of a lot of the health professionals working with these people. It was condescension, contempt and suspicion. And I think the reason is because ED makes people act in sneaky and deceitful ways. But you'd have thought that these professionals of all people would understand this, and be kind.

What are your thoughts? Are they right to treat the patients like delinquents? Is it just because I've never worked in this kind of situation and I don't understand how it really is?

And another thing that struck me was that a lot of the workers in the facility were obese.....

Sunday 30 December 2007

Revulsion

Last night I was at a party with my mum, an adult party of friends of hers. I guess, 50-60 year olds.

Anyway, the evening wore on, and one man in particular got talking. He works for St.Vincent de Paul,(SVP) a charitable organisation here in Ireland that help out people when they are really in need. Bails people out when they can't go on, gives food vouchers to those who need them etc. etc. Lots of really good work.

But this man said some things that made my skin crawl. He started off
"I know we have many nations living here now, and lots of diversity, and thats fine, but there is one community that will never integrate here. And that is the African community"

He practically spat the words.

Hmm......... I'm thinking, how many integrated Poles (and theres 250,000 of them here, with our whole population being only about 4 million) do you see? I suppose their fantastic integration abilities are the reason that everywhere you go you see signs written in Polish? Or the Chinese community, another fantastic example of integration, hah! And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that its particularly their fault because of their racial background or whatever, but its not like they are really any better at it than the African community (and come to think of it, I actually know quite a few Africans, but I don't know any Polish or any Chinese). So whats his point? Well, it pretty quickly became quite clear that its because they're "blacks".

He told a story, about an African immigrant whose husband had left her and the kids high and dry, who was really struggling.

"And, don't get me wrong, she was a very nice lady, very nice, and quite attractive in her own way, for that type, except that there is the smell of course.......Anyway, she came to me and asked for money to pay for her child's pre-school. Well, I thought, really why did she need to send the child to pre-school, but she was a nice lady and she was asking me so we agreed that SVP would pay half, and she would pay half as long as she brought a receipt and showed us. So she did, but THEN.....then I found out later that it was FALSE. And the child had never been to play school at all!!! Because the play school that the receipt was from had shut down two years before, and someone had signed the receipt for her. Well I thought, thats the last time I'm taken in by a black!"

Now, obviously what the woman did was wrong, but a few people pointed out certain things.
Did this gentleman not feel that the Irish person who signed the false receipt was partly to blame in the whole thing?

"No! No, the white (yes he actually made a point of highlighting the whiteness, unprompted) who signed the receipt was not to blame, because it was her, it was her who decided to scam us."
And would you have given her the money (only 200euros, not the end of the world) if she had told you she needed it for something else?

"No. Absolutely not."
So this woman, being in a pretty tight spot, did something dishonest to get her family out of trouble, because she knew that that was the only way that she could get that money. Fair enough, it was wrong, but it wasn't the worst in the world.

And I can understand why he was annoyed; he gives up his time to give wisely the money that has been donated, and then his trust was abused. That would make anyone angry.


But I got the distinct impression that it wasn't this that really got him. There were other stories he told, such as about Irish Travellers(white as the driven snow!) who had abused the SVP, and he never seemed quite as annoyed about those. No, it was because this woman was black, and in his eyes he had been done by an inferior who should have been grateful that they would even offer charity at all to her "kind"! In fact, he made a point of telling another story about another "black" that annoyed him, just to drive it home.

And so many Irish people think like this. This is one of the things I hate about here.

I thought I was going to have to leave, I felt so sickened. Complete and utter revulsion for everything that p***k shited on about.

But hey, I've been well brought up, one doesn't make a scene in polite company.

I wonder though, what he would think if he met someone like the girl on the right in this photo.

Sunday 23 December 2007

To clarify on stupidity

Wow, Im impressed by the number of people commenting on the visa-marriage!
To clear things up, love does not come into this. Which my friend sees as a plus. She says she would never get married because she was madly in love with someone (and she has a point, rushed head-over-heels marriages usually go wrong too). But doing the immigrant "a favour" by contracting herself to him is ok. I don't know, maybe shes right because she isn't under any illusion that its going to be happily ever after, but she thinks that she KNOWS him well enough that she is SURE he won't ever try and screw her over. I don't know...even after years you can think you know someone and be proven wrong. So after two months, is it a good idea? I think I'm going to have to give up on this one, because it will like Ellisa said drive her away; we already fought today because I think she is being unbelievably stupid. But arrrgh!!!! Its so frustrating. She's no better than a mail-order bride (and hey, they usually have good reason to do it, like poverty or chance-of-a-better-life or something).


Ugh, whatever. If she insists on making her bed this way then she's just gonna have to lie in it.

White Christmas

Which is never gonna happen in grey and dreary Irl, but this is well cute!

Let me be more specific

Since you've all been so kind as to advise me on my "Stupid" dilemma, I thought I'd give you a little more info.

Stupid, in my opinion, is deciding to MARRY an illegal immigrant that you've been in a non-serious relationship with for TWO MONTHS, so that they can get a VISA.

Stupid is also giving up the great job that you have to do this, and being only 20.


Am I right? Please tell me I'm right. And if I'm wrong, please give me a good reason why, because this is wrecking my head.

Happy Christmas everyone, and thank you for listening!

Saturday 22 December 2007

Stupid

So, if someone you care about a lot is, in your opinion, doing something incredibly stupid, do you

a) Support them in their decision because they are your friend.

b) Wash your hands of it because you tried telling them what a fool they are being and they wont listen.

Answers on a postcard. Please.

Thursday 20 December 2007

Land of a hundred thousand welcomes

'Cos baby that's all we got.

I always feel funny about going/coming home. And I've done it a few times at this point. Even when I'm looking forward to it beforehand, everything changes once my journey is underway. I suppose its the love-hate relationship I have with Ireland. When I'm here, there are a multitude of things I loathe, everything frustrates and depresses me. I hate that I am associated with such shambles, and I long for escape.

When I'm away, it takes on a rosier glow. I notice all the things that I love and miss, I think wistfully about the things that just aren't the same anywhere else, I wear my Irish idiosyncrasies with pride, and look forward to coming home, if not eagerly, then not with dread.

I know I like my country better when I'm not in it. In know I like being a foreigner. I like that people can't put me in a box because they can't place my accent, or my way of doing things. I like being that little bit different. I like being able to distance myself from things by saying, "this isn't my country, thus it does not apply to me". I like the anonymity, the freedom of not being constrained by what your countrymen expect you to be because they know your parents, your class, what religion your family might be, where you went to school etc. etc. I like being able to forget the bad things about Ireland. I like to remember the good. I like to have national pride, something I'm not usually unduly keen on.

What do I hate about coming home? The reality of it all. How no matter how much you want it to be different it never is. You can never get out of the rut you have created for yourself; no one will ever let you. I hate the feeling of unreality, of distance, of "I shouldn't be here, I don't belong". I hate waking up in the mornings and wishing I was somewhere else.

Eventually of course it wears off, you resume your mechanations, and you forget how it feels to be somewhere else.

I was looking forward to coming home for Christmas. I think a 50:50 mix of reluctance and excitement. And its not so bad. But its always a let down isn't it? No matter how much you try to be realistic about your expectations, you always imagine it better. Just one other way your brain tries to screw you I suppose.

So I made it on to the plane, and it is a mercifully short hop across the water. I do love flying (not the lack of legroom, non-reclining seats, the other passengers, or the tedium of airports). I love the freedom, the beauty, the purity and endless possibility of being literally above it all. Is there anything more amazing than looking out across a rippling cloud, with the sun shooting golden and red sparks from a wing tip? Don't you love how its always sunny above the clouds? I like the way you feel as if you are nowhere. You are in limbo. You can't do anything, nobody expects you to, you have no place, you have nothing; such an immense freedom.
And then, the plane drops a little, grey fuzz obscures your view, and the sun is lost. Below you, out of the gloom, the malevolent little island appears, its darkness pulling you, beckoning you to its despair. It lies waiting, bleak and hopeless as your little craft which moments ago had been so full of light and possibility is sucked ever downwards.

The sky is grey, as usual, and a light drizzle is falling. The captain announces the temperature, always something grim. You trudge across the sodden tarmac and into the bright and hideous building. You are taken aback by the sheer overwhelming ugliness of it all. Eventually the airport disgorges you, and you wait......wait....to go home.

And home feels odd...it doesn't fit. You feel awkward, clunky with the people; square peg round hole.


But after a while your corners soften, you suck it up and get on with it. And really, its not so bad. Its just the agony of "coming home". And you know you will do it again. And you know you will forget until you are reminded.

But I want this one for posterity.





Fat=Good?

This is fascinating.

Sunday 16 December 2007

My first pair of pilfered scrubs...


How happy am I? Got to see surgery twice!!!!! And I loved it. Especially wearing scrubs.. Except they call them "theatre greens".....And now they're mine.....MINE!!!!

Ok, enough crazy.

Going home today, eek! More update later...

Wednesday 12 December 2007

Worst blogger EVER.

That would be me then.

I don't know why I haven't posted, I have so many things I want to say.

Anyway, nearly finished my first semester at med school, I can hardly believe it!! Going home to the aul emerald isle on Sunday......so weird, going home after so long, having adopted here as my new life.....

Can't wait to see my cat though.....any my family of course.... ;)

Happy holidays to everyone who is finishing term!


Saturday 1 December 2007

World AIDS Day

Saw this, thought is was pretty powerful.